Listening In

One of the responsibilities on my job is listening . During the nightime hours I must keep the monitor , situated on the headboard , ON and loud enough that I will be awakened when my people need me.

One of the main reasons is that when my lady has to use the commode, she needs assistance . Every time, she tells her husband not to bother 'the girl'. Well if 'the girl' does not get there quickly the chances that someone will fall and suffer a broken hip increase , which is one of the main reasons for the monitor and ' the girl' in the first place. You get the picture.

Anyway, recently I was awakened at 4 a.m. but instead of needing me in that moment, I was reluctantly forced to wait out some moments of loving intimacy between my lady and her husband of over 65 years. I am not kidding, he is 91 and she is 90.

At that hour of the morning there is no way that I could turn the monitor off to give them the privacy I would if this occured early in the evening. As it happened , he did try to get her up to the commode and had the bedside railing removed as I entered the room.

You can imagine my prayer as I listened and waited for the proper timing in such a sensitive situation.

After everyone was safely tucked back into bed, my thougts were captured by the truth that there is SOMEONE who listens and sees EVERYTHING ! He IS God and because that is exactly Who He Is , He listens, He sees , and is moved deeply in response to all that He is witness to .

I was thinking particularly about how He is witness to all our sinful behaviour (flashback to the past) but He made me aware that it is much more than that. He feels it all. He feels the terror of the violence and destruction that His children purpetrate upon each other.

He feels the cry of every child that is raped and molested, of the desructive brutality Satan inflicts upon His children, those created in His Image and Likeness. Just think if you were able to observe Satan beating the life out of your children.

His heart breaks, and He weeps with us. He hears our accusations of abandonment even as we reject His Gift of Jesus. Yet He never turns His heart away from our curses, rejection and unbelief.

I do not begin to understand the depth of our descent into self and brokeness that happened when man decided to take care of himself all those eons ago. It is a mystery to me. Someday it will end .

In the meantime, in the wee small hours of the morning I will choose to whisper words of loving intimacy to One So Beautiful as this Jesus. This God-Man who knows more than I can even imagine, exactly what each heart needs and experiences at every moment.

I will rest in His embrace adding my voice to all in creation who choose to welcome His Gaze , His Listening Ear, and His Responsive Heart. I will watch and listen with Him and join Him as He prays for us.

A Story Revisited

Once there was a girl who found herself very lost. In her tender years, this little one had known the destructive hand of abuse. Having lost most of who she was, her identity became twisted as she surrendered to the 'silence of survival'.
Her wounds were invisible, or so she imagined.

The place within her heart reserved for love alone , gradually disappeared, or so she imagined. She hid herself behind her walls,and from this place amidst the ruins of life, she remained small and unseen living her outward life mostly disconnected and became a 'Survivor'.


Psalm 105:17-19 "He sent a man before them, Joseph, who was sold as a slave. They hurt his feet with fetters, He was laid in irons. (his soul came into iron)
Until the time that his word came to pass, the word of the Lord tested him.

SUDDENLY LOVE FOUND ME!



The Journey began. Still I was a slave , though unknowingly. The years of captivity that lay ahead , hurt my feet with fetters, and caused iron to enter my soul. Held captive by fear, rejection, anger and yes, even hatred. Still You never left me Lord.

Now I realise those were the days formed in the crucible of affliction, that you were forming an 'Image Bearer'. Memories of rising early in response to the call of Your Spirit just to be with You, warm my heart even now. This was where you taught me how to survive and I fell in love with You Jesus. You kept me. You were there, though many times I was unaware of Your Nearness and Protection.

That was long ago Lord and we have come a long way since then, and still there are times when I feel the chaffing of wounds that once bound me. I hear the taunting voice of the counterfeit lover singing his song of seduction that would lead me back to the darkness.
Tonight I remember an old song from the past. You Light Up My Life ! How the words still ring clear in my memory. You Light up my life, You give me hope to carry on, You Light up my life and fill my heart with song.

Sounds a little sappy Jesus, but the days are darker and the times more perilous than even those former days, so now, more than ever I need You to draw near and Light the way as we walk together through another deeper valley. I will quiet my soul as You joyfully sing Your song over me in the night and I will dream again and fly again with You alone.

'LOOKS' Like a Sign

This is one of the views from my window. It is here that Sam sits observing those crazy squirrels dashing madly through the trees, all the while making it loudly known just who really IS the boss around here.



Today we saw this brave little robin sitting puffed up in these trees. There is plenty of food around and I heard that there were about one hundred robins that did not leave this year. This is the first one I have seen.



On Saturday, this little critter 'Rocky Raccoon' showed up at my sisters back deck for some cat treats. He went into hybernation late and now is up and eating early. It may be that spring is closer than it seems. I hope so.

Thank You

Thank you my friends for your encouraging comments. It will be a process and I remember saying to Lillian a while back that the pain remindes me that I have loved well. Better the sorrow now to prevent the numbness later.

So with the Lords nearness I will choose to let my heart experience all that will be involved in this next phase of the journey.

I finished my final exam in Anatomy tonight. I stayed up today studying even though I had a sleepless night at work, and nearly all the material that I was thinking I didn't know was all swooshed together in my brain .... turned out half wasn't on the test and the rest was so easy I could have had a good rest .

Oh well... and now here I am up late celebrating a few days off.

I have cancelled my trip to Toronto since I want to stay close to Sam and let myself begin to deal with the whole thing.
I need to work on my typing skills anyway. Transcription !!!! Lord have Mercy!

Sam

Today I found out that Sam has cancer in his right lung and a lobe of that lung has collapsed as well. I have known he was a sick little dog, but not having a clear diagnosis until now has allowed me to choose denial. Now I know.

Reality Bites I have heard. Needless to say, I will be trying to come to grips with this reality and will cherish all the time I have left with him. There is no definite time given and no treatment that is feasable financially and to be honest, anything that could be done would not make his quality of life better anyway.

He does still have his spunky times like the squirrel watching and cat harrassing. Yep...even in the vet's , barking at this huge dog that had just had surgery and had one of those big collars on, and then 3 cats in the waiting area.
I was amazed...... anyway....

I am grateful to the Lord for His Presence with me through this sad time, and appreciate your prayers if you think of us.

Waiting

Waiting. On God. On Springtime. Naturally and spiritually. Waiting.

I have never been very good at waiting. Never!

Psalm 40:1 I waited patiently for the Lord and He inclined to me and heard my cry.
Waited patiently...Hebrew word 6960 ..to bind together, be joined, to meet, to lie in wait for someone, to expect , hope, to be confident, trust, to be enduring (another kind of strength)

He heard my cry...'heard' (8085) to hear with attention, to give undivided listening attention. To hear spiritually.

So I wait, and God hears.

Really ?

Time passes and I think perhaps He has not really heard has not inclined and heard.

But I am wrong!

No matter what I am experiencing , believing, and enduring, the Word of God is Alive and Breathing and my Final Truth . I return to Wisdom clinging to this Reality and release the lies that have been taunting my steps.

Once again He will meet me there, bringing Comfort and Understanding. I will turn from being offended with His dealings with me and fall into His Embrace. I will not be afraid to let Him see my tears and frustrations. Jesus , You are my Safe Place to fall.

So, the journey continues. I am working this weekend beginning this evening , which means less rest and sleep. I never seem to get caught up somehow.
.... studying for my final exam in Anatomy next Wednesday evening, the half way mark in my course
...... practicing my typing skills, as the next course is Transcription
..... taking Sam to the vet on Monday for more X-rays and assessment . I want to know what to expect, and what to do in the meantime should there be an 'event'.

Then next weekend Sam and I will be heading to Toronto to visit Jack and Gracie, as well as visiting our good friends Carol-Ann, Kinza and Bruce.

In the face of the activities in the physical realm, my heart and all that is within me will be turned toward the Word, Jesus, who Sees and Hears. He sits on the foot of my bed and waits with me while I wait .