Saying Goodbye

Last Friday Sam and I drove to Toronto.

The last time I would drive with my little buddy on my arm.

This was the most difficult decision I have ever had to make in my life. The time had come to say good-bye and it was only with the strength and courage of Jesus was I able to do it.

I did not want to go through this alone, so I asked my son Jon if he would make the arrangements with their vet and accompany Sam and I . He was only too willing to stand with me.
'You need someone to be there with you, to hold you and weep with you' he said to me over the phone .
He understood .

First we went to visit with Carol-Ann and Bruce and we met their new arrival 'Minnie Silver ', a bouncing joyful wee puppy the same breed as Sam.

Grrrrr... was Sam's greeting to this new baby, but later he did not fuss when she came near. He was a very sick little guy.
This loving family have been a huge blessing to Sam and I . Thank you so much you guys!

The grace of the Lord was with me so strongly on the Saturday morning, and I fought fear with the Word of the Lord in spite of ' jelly legs ' and wanting to throw up . Looking on it now it is absolutely amazing that I went through with it. You can change your mind at any moment , but I knew that the Lord had spoken to me that it was time.

Naturally, I am still haunted by the memory of the time in that little office where the 'procedure' took place.
Now, I wonder, was he scared ? He trusted me and had I betrayed that trust ? Everyone said I was 'doing the right thing ', but that didn't help even though I knew it was likely true .

I carried him there as I carried him most of our life together. I held him in my arms until the end. It is still difficult for me to say that Sam has died.

I felt so bad that I had to put him through that. In the beginning I had prayed and asked Jesus to please be the one to take him, since He is the Lord of Life . For His own reasons I was meant to walk through this process , with Him in me and with me and He did not disappoint.

Now I am alone, and the reality of this meets me at every turn. My friends are praying and I am so thankful to those of you who heard Jesus whisper my name in your ear and for responding so faithfully.

Every day is a little better and life goes on. Someday, I will surely not be afraid to find another little buddy.

At the end of the day, it is always worth it all .

Rebecca wondered who Mr. Bear is. Meet Mr.Bear Rebecca.



Jonathan and Katherine,I want to thank you for being such a loving support for your mom. I love you. Then there is Maggie !


Maggie seemed to have a sensitivity to my loss, and when I freaked out later in the evening she was right there verbally sympathizing and wailing with me. She snuggled with me the whole rest of the night. She's a good dog .

Since Sam accompanied me nearly everywhere these last many months his absence is noticed at every turn. When I returned to work on Tuesday, the butterfly on the window mentioned in a previous post, had only just emerged from her chrysalis. She rested on the screen for the afternoon and then when her wings had dried, took her first flight in new found freedom. A very good sign to me I think.