This afternoon while studying I learned two new words.

basilysis - the crushing of the base of the fetal head to facilitate delivery
basiotripsy - the crushing of the fetal head to facilitate delivery.



Today is abortion day at the hospital here in town. Oh God ! Forgive us !

These children need You as their Judge. Come Lord Jesus! Is. 63.

Now I feel I must clarify this for Rebecca. These babies need Jesus to come and bring His Justice to bear on their behalf. This world is in need of Soveriegn Intervention. Abortion is only one of the many symptoms of our overall state.

I found out that the doctor who was doing the abortions here, had an accident last year, and lost one of his eyes as the result of getting hit by a golf ball. Then after he had recovered , continued his practice. Now he has a hole in the retina of his other eye, and cannot now do these procedures.
So for now, and hopefully for a long time, these procedures are not being done here. Perhaps a few little lives will be given a second chance to live. I hope so.
And maybe, the Lord will reach down and touch this man as well. It has happened before. Mercy Lord.

Draw near Oh God! Draw near O God of us.
Your Nearness is to us our Good.

'I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will guide you with My eye.'

The Word of the Lord is the Truth, no matter what I see, think, feel,or experience day to day on this journey . I will cling to Truth Himself.

?

What if God hijacks my plans ?

School Days

Recently, we had a visitor to our Wednesday evening class. No, not the Doc, but his friend.
As part of our course, naturally, we are learning about the human frame. If this season of learning has no other purpose, but to let my heart stand in wonder at the awesome mystery of God it is worth all the effort.

We really are fearfully and wonderfully made ! I do not understand how scientific men can study these things, and still, some deny a Sovereign Loving Creator.

I am enjoying this new experience very much. I wish I had been able to accomplish this with excellence when I was young. How my life would have been different and perhaps so much more fruitful and even happy.

The course I am currently taking is one that will enable me to work in a hospital setting, or maybe a doctor's office or something along those lines. We will see.
So, I decided to take the OHIP Billing course. That is the manner of billing that doc's use to get paid from the Ontario Government.

I did this last weekend, in an intense twelve hour course . All I can say is OUCH!



By the end of the weekend, it felt like my brain was oozing out of my ears, and all my insecurities were screaming at me of my dullness and stupidity.

O.K. so I haven't experienced a lot of affirmation in my lifetime, that is obvious, but I press on.
To get the certificate of completion , I have a six page take home exam to mail in and wait for the results. I just completed it today.
Now I find myself sitting here in a swirl of mental exhaustion once again stunned by the fact that I am even doing any of this at my age.

I wonder why ? What if , when I am all finished my new education, there are no jobs out there, anywhere, not even in my beloved K.C.? Ack !

I much prefer the eternal perspective on things, since the truth is that tonight once again I am feeling like a stranger and alien on this earth.

All I really want is God, and all things pertaining to God, with no distractions, like having to make a living. Trying to survive in the midst of all the confusion and human frailty, especially my own.

I wonder what He is morphing me into ? Am I on some wild adventure that never seems to end ? Are we having fun yet ? Nope! I am glad He loves me no matter what, and that He never leaves me. Thanks Lord. You are Amazing and I trust You.

I Wish I Understood

This is my Aunt Kay and Aunt Teresa, both now in heaven, Praise the Lord!

Today I received a call from my work, to take a shift that I don't usually have. Needing to make a living wage I accepted, and cut an hour from my school class to get there in time.

The lovely lady I cared for today has more advanced Alzheimer's than my clients that I do on the weekends. This Lady lives in a facility, a very nice facility, with others who also need the full time care.

I was not prepared ! I was definitely not prepared .

My Lady today cannot speak her words coherently any longer, so I could not understand her wishes, except to try to interpret by the tone of her voice.
I walked the halls with her, holding her hand. I changed her under garments, fed her dinner, and dressed her for bed, tucked her in, and said a small prayer over her, as she wept.

When I looked in her eyes, I saw my Aunt Kay. My Aunt Kay passed away over a year and a half ago from Alzheimer's.

In this ward, there were about twenty or so patients, men and women. One lady at our table was being fed by a worker, and her food was all over her mouth , like the way babies eat.

I thought of You Jesus. I tried to imagine the God of Creation, my Lovely Savior, hidden in her, with food smeared all over His mouth, and He unable to clean it off Himself. It was difficult. It is too much!

These dear souls walking the floors,( at least those who are still able to walk on their own,) having no comprehension . The man in the wheel chair, with the trachea tube hanging down the front of his shirt trying to mouth wordlessly to me, something I could not understand.

I don't understand anything. What is it about being human, that at the end of our time here on this side of eternity, so many of us are in this sad situation, and yet somewhere , somehow, there is a Sovereign plan unfolding for each of us.

I just keep thinking I don't understand, I am not qualified to do this.

Thank the Lord there are many wonderful workers who cheerfully meet the needs of these dear ones as best they can. They do a really great job, and serve these mostly forgotten ones with compassion, wit, and dedication.

I admire you, but I do not think I can be one of you.
How do you handle the pain ?
Yours at beholding this.
Theirs at enduring this ?
How do you keep your own heart soft in the face of this suffering ?

I wish I understood the "Why" Lord ?