Strength in Weakness

That is the title of this painting by David Costello. Just seems to say it all for me these days , as I am carried by 'Grace' through each hour , day and week .

Sitting here on my bed tonight, Sam is stretched out beside me, finding a comfortable position to breathe easier. As well,I am able to take him with me when I work these days. The family has asked that I bring him along as Sam is good therapy for my Mr.

In two weeks I will finish my Transcription course, which I am really enjoying. My typing is coming along pretty well too, so progress is there. My last course finishes in 4 weeks, and I will have my certificate. Now all I will need is a job to top it all off.

I had a lovely phone call from Anneka and Aila yesterday.
They called to tell me they miss me.Isn't that so sweet ? Sometimes if we time it right, Anneka MSN's me. Lord Jesus, I sure miss those girls! I hope I can find a way to visit soon , but it will have to be after Sam is gone since to fly with him in his condition is too stressful for him . So I will see what the Lord will do.

In the meantime I will try to hang in and hang on, and will be very glad when this particular season is finished in my life.

At least Spring has arrived , the sun is warm, and even the rain is welcome. Today, I didn't even mind cleaning up a lot of doggy doo , which until recently remained hidden beneath the snow.
Actually I have been cleaning up personal 'doo' as well that has been hidden beneath the layers of 'snow' in my heart.

Weakness. I know about that. So I am thankful that His Strength sustains me through these days as I am hidden in Love Himself. Thank You Jesus!

Storm Approaching

Recently, while tuned in to the Prayer Room, I heard a few phrases from the worship that stirred my heart to listen more closely. There are times in the midst of the daily grind with all its distractions and demands, I can loose my focus.

The raging winds that assault my life at times get blamed on God, thinking that His testing will never end, when really it is the enemy of my soul taunting my faith.

There's a Storm comin' My heart needs God!
There's a Storm on the horizon, It's not going away.
There's God on the horizon. He's not goin' away!

The Season is changing.

The Lord shares His secrets with His friends.

Then the the other day, I opened my bible to Isaiah 32.

Behold , a King.....

A Man will be as a Hiding Place from the wind, and a cover from the tempest.


I am so grateful for the Living Word of God. Jesus. My Hiding Place. He is Real. That's the Truth. I believe Him.

Shadows gather around me these days. Sam's decline and eventual passing. Waiting for the Lord to provide and make a way in the fullness of His Will for my life. The taunting voice of the enemy that mocks and presses unbelief upon me to the point of despair.

Many times I feel forgotten by God. Perhaps some have known these feelings. Joseph in the dungeon, David, Jesus from the cross.

Psalm 42:3 My tears have been my food day and night, while 'they' continually say to me, Where is your God?

Sometimes we need discernment as to who is really asking us to drink the cup that hovers before our eyes.

Then the Lightning flashes to reveal the lies, and here and there I hear the Voice of a Friend from afar, shoot arrows of Truth and encouragement into my grieving soul.

Lord, thank you for the Words of Life You have written through Your Spirit and breathed into my heart in the midst of the storms of life.

I believe there really is a God Storm coming, and all the tensions I endure will enable me to stand firm and unoffended in that day. I find myself in the Man who is my Hiding Place.

The other day I was listening to some of the teachings from my 'Excellencies of Christ' class. Allen Hood is a great teacher. The thing that struck me again was just how much the validity of the Word of God and the Diety if Christ is under assault.

We know that Satan is doing this, but what I have been encountering is the fact that there are many Christians who are buying into that lie. I believe that the bible is God breathed by Holy Spirit, and when He opens my heart to the revelation of Jesus I am astounded.

In the early years of my christian experience the word really seemed like dead words on the page. Later there were times when His Presence breathed on me and the words on the pages became a Living Person, revealing Himself and His Plan to my heart. Then again, He would seem to withdraw and I would be fighting to find life in those same words that lived only a short time ago.

The enemy is out to abolish the Truth of the Word, like Hitler burned bibles and books that threatened his ideology during the second world war. He has not changed his tactics.
I am encouraged by the Word that declares.

Psalm 2:1-4 Why do the nations rage, and the peoples plot a vain thing?
The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel against the Lord and against His Anointed, saying, Let us break Their bonds in pieces,and cast away Their cords from us.

verse 4: He Who sits in the heavens laughs: the Lord shall hold them in derision. Then He shall speak to them in His wrath, and distress them in His deep displeasure.

The Storm that approaches will confront the 'spirit of the age, the anti-christ spirit' that even Jesus had to deal with in His time on the earth. As the days pass, and the cares of this world press in upon us, distracting us from what is around the corner, the measuring line is stretched out.

'He who is not with Me is against Me.' said Jesus. In the darkness of this hour our faith in Jesus will stand firm as we strengthen ourselves in His Word. It is this Living Word that will give us discernment in identifying the Real Jesus in the days ahead.

The tactics of the enemy have never really changed. It was in the Garden of God where he said to Eve, 'did God really say?' He seems to never tire in repeating this whisper in our ears.

Yes.... God really did say !!!!!

Come

We know God because He chooses to reveal Himself. He is the Holy One who chooses to disclose Himself. He is the Mystery made known. He is Pleasure Immeasurable. Delight Consummate. He is the Overflowing God.

He is the reason I exist, to give Him pleasure. The reason He made me was so that I could enjoy Him and He could enjoy me.

He is clothed in Light like a garment, and He invites me to come in out of the darkness that threatens to rob me of that Knowledge, in to the welcome safety of His Embrace.

The door is always open and He is speaking to me. I hear Him calling out to come near as He conquers the mountains before me. His is the Voice of many waters, beconning me.

Today I incline my ear and listen.

"Do you trust me ? Leave your fears behind .
Come away,I am doing a new thing. Trust My Leadership. Get out of the boat and walk on the water with Me."

Help me God, I want to walk on the water with You.

Longing For Refreshing

This painting truly depicts the desire of my weary heart these days. How I would love to find a place just like this. A wilderness place far from the cares and stresses of everyday life, surounded by angelic beings waiting with me the Arrival of the Desire of my heart. I want to be found faithful Lord .

In real life though I sit here burning c.d.'s for my good friend Bevy. I have just finished a very long three weeks of work. I am so tired, that sleep eludes me. Earlier in the evening I attended one of my classes, also a nice break from the stuff that tears at my soul.

I am so tired of grieving. I am tired of being with my seniors, and wonder what the heck am I doing ???? A few days ago my Mr., who has been declining further into the abyss of Alzheimers began to show increasing aggression and aggitation.

It was verbal not physical, but some of it, in his confusion was directed at his little wife. I could feel it in the air. This really pressed some of my buttons I can tell you. All I wanted to do was to protect her , and it was only later that I realized the incident had triggered deep places in my own memories. Yes, it still happens! Things from the past get triggered at unfortunate times .

My Mr.'s anger was being misdirected at his wife, but really, he is very angry with himself. In the rare moments the 'real' person surfaces for a few minutes he expresses his self loathing that he has become a 'gibbering idiot' as he called himself.It is so very sad, and I do not begin to understand the mystery or the purpose of any of it.

All I really know is that the Lord sees it all. Everything. He sees these dear people, He knows that I do not want to do this any longer, He knows what His plan is. I just wish He'd tell me.
I will confess one thing though....I have reluctantly learned to play Fish, and I actually enjoy this crazy senario once in a while. Bizzaro World !!!!! Speaking of which....

My little pal Sam has been challenging my ingenuity in finding ways to get his pills into him. A few times when he would not eat, I tried to force the tiny half a pill past his teeth and down his throat. Well.... he has learned to fight me really well on that one , so well in fact that I stopped trying .
It seemed too mean and cruel and besides that his little teeth are still very sharp and can he hold his mouth shut !!!! I am just trying to find the right medication for his pain relief so he can be comfortable. He has some good days and some not very good days.

So I remembered his favorite food is chicken, and bought him his own little pieces of bar-b-que chicken. That worked and I rejoiced, until Sam found the little pill and deftly spit it out all the while not losing any of the chicken. He is brilliant at manoevering that thing out of his mouth. Have I mentioned that I am very tired these days, I wonder why Lord ?????

This weekend Sam and I are heading to Toronto to visit my son and his beautiful wife. Sam will meet Maggie.


Do not be deceived by the sorry look on Sam after a recent bath, for when he meets large and very friendly and playful Maggie for the first time I know I will be very embarassed. Sam does not know that he is a very little dog, and he does not realize that he is sick and dying. If he did I am sure that would not make much of a difference to him. I have the feeling that he will want Maggie to know just who is really in charge at least vocally anyway.
My wonderful son has ensured me that Sam is welcome and that Maggie can handle anything. I just hope I can! I will bring a 'time out' towel for Sam just in case.

Funny how talking about our pets can cheer a girl up. Thanks Lord!