Reflections

 

Today I was looking through some old pictures . I have decided to create a blog to remember my dad, and experienced one of those 'moments of interruption'. 

This picture was taken way back around 1960 I think. I am the one in the black school uniform sitting at the end of the little table. It must have been some kind of special occasion since the little girl with the dark hair sitting next to my smiling sister JoAnne is not one of our family. Maybe it was baby Dar's birthday ? The boy child is my brother Michael.

Anyway, the point is I was looking at what was on the table. Empty milk glasses,(anyone remember a product called 'Milko', powdered skim milk ?) Heinz Ketchup or maybe Aylmer , and I think I even recognized the hamburger patties , mashed potatoes and likely peas.

All of this made me think of my mother. She cooked the meals most every day, though my dad could whip up some very smooth mashed potatoes, by hand not mix master.

Suddenly I am getting choked up thinking about this woman who served us kids most of the time with little thanks. So, back to my photos and more staring at the lady who held our family together. 

 

Just remembering how young she looks here. I am way older now than she was when this was taken. Cigarette ever in her fingers,someones laundry hanging on the neighbors line. Actually that is the childhood home of the Redmond boys who went on to play NHL hockey.  Even the yard looks so much smaller now.

Suddenly sitting here at my desk wishing I could talk to her again and tell her so much. Like how grateful I am for all she sacrificed for me.

I wish I had been more loving, I wish I had understood all the things I now 'really understand' as I have lived and experienced my own life with all the bumps and terrible surprises in the journey.

I remember feeling so rejected a lot of the time, yet this lady worked her butt off to make ends meet with five children in a small home. The teen aged years when it seems all our parents want to do is keep us from having so much fun? The truth is looking back I had good teen years. Funny how sometimes only the negative stuff sticks to the surface of some totally selfish memories. 

But I digress...

I remember her trying to teach me to dance,(broom and all) since she was a great dancer in Army Shows, and then the day, I taught her how to do the 'Twist' with Chubby Checker wailing on the living room stereo.

Isn't it sad that it seems only in reflection we sometimes see and understand someone else's journey through life? It is on reflection and understanding from far off that appreciation for  my mom has grown in my heart. To see her a bit how God created her to be is actually what I am seeing today.

I guess all that to say, Lord, I miss my mom today, tell her for me that I love her and all these years later, I really am grateful for everything she put up with from me and the rest of us.

So much love floods my heart even now. I look forward to the day I will see her again and tell her for myself how precious her memory and her life has become to me.  I look forward to getting to know her for real some day and tell her , 'you did really great'  !! I love you always, your Nancy.