Reflection

The last five years of my life have held some very remarkable changes and though the journey has been bumpy and I have felt adrift from time to time, over all , the tender hand of the Lord has guided me along.

The fact that many times I was unaware of His Nearness doesn't matter tonight for that season has diminished and a new awareness of the intensity of His Presence has gripped my heart...and I am very glad.

The call to go and take care of my little Aunt T. came in the summer of 2004. That was a difficult challenge, but knowing it was His plan kept me grounded. It was later, after she died, (and went to heaven!)that I carried my grief to the prayer room at IHOP. The knowledge of serving Him in the disguise of my little Aunt T. was a total revelation to my heart and created a desire to pursue care giving .

What a blessing to find myself just a year later caring for my dearly beloved senior couple in Lakefield. Though terribly sleep deprived for the duration of my employment there,that job was the most fulfilling in my life aside from raising my children.

That's the issue I'm trying to ponder .

Fulfillment .

Serving Min and Bertha or more accurately Jesus , again in another of His distressing disguises, was so great for ME. That may have been the whole point the Lord was trying to instill in my heart. Joy in serving others/ Him . Except it was not 'selfless' as is the way Jesus enjoys serving us in endless ways on into eternity.

Now, the job I am employed in is not selfless, and definitely NOT fulfilling in ANY way , except that somewhere in my brain is the knowledge that the Lord has stationed me there , and at least it pays the bills. I am still sleep deprived, but not because dear Bertha needs me, but just because I must get up early to prepare to make a living .

Making a living is NOT fulfilling, at least not in my life. So all I can make of it is the fact that I am maybe being obedient to the Lord, though not very willingly, sad to admit.

When I was at IHOP there was a conference called 'The Joseph Company' and it is aimed at those Christians in the marketplace.
The call was for intercessors . I remember thinking, man, I would love to get paid to be in a job just to pray.

Well, guess what girl??? You are ! You dumb blonde !!!!

So the joke is on me. The thing I didn't realize is that it's way different than the way I wanted it to be and the test is, can I manage to hang in even though it feels so unfulfillable and mostly drives me crazy AND I'm not working for a Christian, which I so naively once thought was the whole point ?

So....one is never too old to learn , just maybe a bit slow in getting the drift of the lesson. I think I need a tutor. Glad my teacher is God .
Is He not so very Wonderful ? He is Unlimited Patience, and I think I see Him with a grin on His Beautiful Face . I love you Jesus sooooo much!

Thank you for loving me so outrageously !