Happy Thanksgiving

Thank you Jesus!

Kittens

Today, I helped Ann feed the little 'Smelly Cats'. They are very cute. One even started to purr softly.






Here Ann is helping this little one 'express' his pee pee. Aparently this needs to be done until they can do it themselves. Now that they have had some food, they are getting much more active.
Tonight , they will sleep in the basement....where they will be warm and where we cannot hear them wail for their mother. We don't know what has become of her.

Surprise Box

There has been nothing much to blog about lately, except my sore back, and nobody really wants to hear about that.
This afternoon, the lady where I live found this surprise in her garden shed.





Now I am not really a cat person, but these little guys are pretty cute.If it had been a box of little white puppies, that would be a different story.

This summer there was a large cat prowling the neighborhood, and I actually saw this feline kill a squirrel right in front of me. Maybe these are her offspring.
For now we put the kittens back in the shed to see if the mother comes back.If they are still there in the morning I imagine Ann will take them to the rescue shelter.

This made an otherwise boring day a little more interesting. I do hope the mother returns though and perhaps all cats can be rescued.

I had a lovely weekend with my family. The best thing is now they are much closer. A four hour drive compared with the expense of a flight.


Aila is a delightful munchkin.Thanks for letting me use your bed Aila.




Teamwork in the kitchen.

Thanks for a fun weekend guys. Yvonne you are a genius on the computer ! Thank you !

The lesson I learned ? Grandma should not have taken the 'Tigger' bounce on the trampoline the evening before I left. Ohhhhh my aching back.

Bounce.. bounce.. bounce.. Where did I put the heating pad ?

Oh Yeah !

This is the reason I am here. To see these smiles. Here is the reason we are laughing.


I had the camera on the wrong setting, so I will try again tomorrow.These are blurry but they are evidence of the fun.


This is the most fun I have had since I went skydiving. An exhillarating sense of freedom in this jumping , laughing , feeling welcomed and loved.



This Grandma is no wimp.....


No injuries just a lot of laughing.



The only question remaining is 'will Grandma be able to move in the morning ?' What a fun time!

Ottawa

I am heading east to visit the family for a few days. My first time driving to Ottawa. If I can conquer the 401, then I should be able to do this with ease I am told. We will see.

I am looking forward to seeing the family in their new home.
I might even take a turn on the trampoline.(It's o.k I have hospital coverage !)


Jason and Yvonne

Grandma and her lovely ladies

The last week or so I have noticed subtle changes happening with my clients at work. I know the Lord has me there for a reason, though exactly what that reason is eludes me, except to enable Him to work His character into me.

Naturally I pray a lot while there, for my couple, and for the Presence of Lord to rest upon us . I do not know the spiritual situation of my people there, though they have always attended a church.

At this stage of their life, both with dementia and profound dementia, much of the time they are like children in really old bodies.....and I mean that in a kind way. Actually they are in amazing physical condition for their ages...92 and 90.

When I first started there, at meal time M. would say the blessing and then the two of them would sing a little 'grace'.It goes like this.

"For health and strength and daily food we praise Thy Name O Lord."

As time has passed I have noticed some meal times pass with the traditional blessing being forgotten.....with the exception of supper when I join them for the meal.
Anyway, it seems that they just forget to say it....and I am the only one who has noticed.

Last night I put a tape in the video player of a special 'Precious Memories' with the folks from the old Lawrence Welk show. Mostly hymns....and from time to time the Presence of the Lord was tangible to me.

B. sang along to a few of the songs, it was so cute. A good night and a nice note to tuck them into their beds on.

At about 6:15 this morning I was called to help my lady to the commode, and later we all went back to bed for another hour or so. I have a monitor in my room so that I can quickly get to them if I am needed, and I sometimes hear little things ,intimate things that are spoken between them.

B. said " I feel so discouraged, I am so helpless and can do so little for myself". M. surprised me with his gentle response.
'Just be thankful that we get such good care and don't think about those things.'
B. did not want to let it go, and this is so unusual for her. She is normally the one who is so 'up'. I have never heard her complain or voice any discouragement.

Then M. began to sing this little song.

"For health and strength and daily food we praise Thy Name O Lord."

Several times he repeated this until B. began to sing with him. In a few minutes all was quiet and rest came to both of these children of the Lord. I smiled to Jesus and said thank you for the glimpse , I guess you really are taking care of everything.

In that immense love
proceeding from the two
the Father spoke words
of great affection to the Son

Words of such profound delight
that no one understood them;
they were meant for the Son,
and he alone rejoiced in them.

What he heard was this:

"My Son, only your
company contents me,
and when something pleases me
I love that thing in you;

Whoever resembles you most
satisfies me most,
and whoever is like you in nothing
will find nothing in me.
I am pleased with you alone

O life of my life!
You are the light of my light,
you are my wisdom,
the image of my substance
in whom I am well pleased.

My Son, I will give myself
to him who loves you
and I will love him
with the same love I have for you,
because he has loved
you whom I love so."

On the communication among the Three Persons.
St. John of the Cross

God wants you to move through this day with a quiet heart
An inward assurance that He is in control
A peaceful certainty that your life is in His hands
A deep trust in His plan and purposes
And a thankful disposition toward all that He allows.

He wants you to put your faith in Him not in a timetable.
He wants you to wait on Him and wait for Him.
In His perfect way He will put everything together
See to every detail
Arrange every circumstance
And order every step to bring to pass what He has for you.

Roy Lessin....co founder of Dayspring

I found this encouragement one day in my inbox. Now all I have to do is believe this and take it to heart, and rest in just Who is trying to get through to me.

Makes Me Wonder

One of the things I get to do when I work at my Care Giving job is to take my Lady for a walk in her wheelchair after supper. Her favorite place to go , though it is new for her everytime is to the Marina in Lakefield.



We sit on the wharf and watch the boats and the activity all around and B. likes to see how many people wave to her.

One of the things that I appreciate about her is her joy in the little things. She lives in the moment,not because she chooses to but because her brain does not allow much else.
The little blue flowers along the path, the same things she sees day after day, yet says to me, 'I've never been down here before', when she is there nearly every day.

Anyway, sometimes in the midst of this swirl of confusion and forgetfullness, I am reminded once again to take a deep breath and notice those little things with her. That's a good thing.

It all sounds so innocent..... well ... the other night B. surprised me .

First of all remember that my Lady has short term memory loss,and considerable dementia. She easily forgets what she ate for her meal by the time I serve dessert, and actually the conversation and questions repeat themselves continually over and over and over and over..at least for the last year I have been there.

The other night I got B.ready for bed so she could watch/listen to the news, a nightly routine.
Her husband went to bed early so when it was time for B. to retire, I said , 'would you like to go and join M. now ?'

'That's a good idea was her reply....but I kind of wanted to see a program that is coming on at 11pm.'
'What program is that B?' I inquired.
It's kind of risque she replies..... RISQUE !!!!!! says I with shock registering on my face ... only a little exagerated.

'What would your mother say if she knew I let her 90 year old daughter watch something like that? That gets a giggle from B. but she persists. I was just curious to see what it was about... something about some LADIES....

No way ! says I once again....

Then B. back peddles and says 'Well I don't even know what risque really means.

UH-HUH says I.

'Try and tell me what you think it means B.'

'Naked or nudity ???'says B.

There you go ! says I . You do not need to see anything like that, besides, I thought being a lady of your years you would already know everything you needed to know about that kind of stuff. Another hilarious giggle from B. as I lotion and powder her feet and help her into bed.

Sometimes her mind gets kind of stuck on things, and other times everything just gets forgotten in seconds. I am amazed at the funny and strange kinds of things that want to stick . Too funny, but I am glad we can laugh and she can giggle through this time of her life . Then she lays her little white head down on her pillow, and counts her blessings.

O.K. maybe not finished forever..... that is why I did not delete my blog, because I knew that I just might change my mind when the Light filled my eyes once again.

It has been six weeks today since Sam died, and looking back I wonder how I made it through those early days and weeks. Grace really is Amazing actually, and I am thankful for all the prayers and understanding I have received.

Lately I have been running around looking for new accomodations and finding out how it feels to be among the working poor. I have been approved for Assisted Housing and am on the waiting list....#336 . That is too funny since they placed 49 last year.

The affordable housing situation here is very bad, but I was also approved for a housing subsidy. That means that a portion of my rent will be paid and I pay the rest for up to 5 years. So the government has been doing a little bit. The challenge is to find a landlord who will be interested and qualify at the same time. I will be so glad to get out of this little room!

Anyway, all this has been a good diversion if not an exhausting and frustrating experience. This is a university town and some landlords are asking outrageous rents for terrible living conditions, knowing students will live in almost any place. Very sad.

On another topic I borrowed a book from my daughter in law Katherine recently.

Marley and Me, by John Grogan. It has had me in sqealing with hysterical laughter and tears. I highly recommend it for any dog lovers out there. I know I will come to the sad parts at the end but this journey with Marley and his family will be worth it.

It's Time

There is a time for every season under heaven. My blogging days are finished....or maybe not...

Beauty

The summer evenings here are humid and warm. I would take Sam out before bed, especially in Lakefield, where there is little light pollution and the stars are brilliant.

It became a favorite time of night for me, as Sam would revell in the many scents in the air and around his favorite tree in the front yard.

While he was enjoying this, I would gaze upward and stand in awe at the beauty set in the heavens by my Father. On more than one occasion I would see fireflies in the bushes in front of the house.

These were significant 'God Moments' when Jesus would whisper encouragement and courage to my heart ,and a goodnight kiss.

I remember when I was a child on evenings like this, my sister and I would sleep outside in the back yard on only a blanket and gaze for hours into the heavens.

Of course by about 4 a.m we would awaken wet and cold from the dew of the night and slip into the house and our warm beds . Oh the joy of sleeping under the open heavens.

Sam is gone now, but I still find myself slipping out into the night at the same time. I stand and gaze up at the Big Dipper , sitting there, so obviously declaring the Presence of the Living God, who set these stars in place, knowing the joy and comfort they would give to this child of His on a lonely summer night in 2007.

All heaven declares the Glory of the Risen Lord ! I have decided it is time for me to turn aside here and to return to my First Love.

Something Fresh

One of the many delicious fresh fruits that I have been enjoying here in Southern Ontario. Raspberries are high on my list of delights along with fresh sweet cherries, luscious juicy peaches and the greatest thirst quencher watermelon. So tasty! I can't seem to get enough fruit these days. A great substitute for chocolate.Yummy !

Happy Anniversary to me.... It was four years ago today, Aug.9,2003. That was the great day that I made my 'leap for life' as I like to call it. So often, since then the Lord has used this experience to encourage me in my journey into Life.



In the midst of all the many challenges I have faced and the incredible path the Lord has led me on, somehow I have survived. Even though there are times I feel alone and lost, Jesus reminds me of the Truth that He has never left me.

It has been nearly three weeks since I lost my Sam . The days range from very dark and heavy to positive, faith filled, and trusting . The amazing thing is how very near Jesus is when my heart crumbles as those waves of grief come crashing upon me.

At the end of the day, I can still say, it is well with my soul even through the tears and brokeness. Grieving is a process no matter what the trigger, and life on this earth gives many opportunities for processing our various losses. At this point, at least I can understand myself and more importantly others I encounter along the way. That's a very good thing .

The other day I was thinking, I hope the light at the end of the tunnel is not a train. That was a bad day, but even then deep inside He holds me steady, safe in His Arms of Love, and we move forward together. Thank You Jesus !

You find me in the night .

Surrounded

It is well with my soul.

Saying Goodbye

Last Friday Sam and I drove to Toronto.

The last time I would drive with my little buddy on my arm.

This was the most difficult decision I have ever had to make in my life. The time had come to say good-bye and it was only with the strength and courage of Jesus was I able to do it.

I did not want to go through this alone, so I asked my son Jon if he would make the arrangements with their vet and accompany Sam and I . He was only too willing to stand with me.
'You need someone to be there with you, to hold you and weep with you' he said to me over the phone .
He understood .

First we went to visit with Carol-Ann and Bruce and we met their new arrival 'Minnie Silver ', a bouncing joyful wee puppy the same breed as Sam.

Grrrrr... was Sam's greeting to this new baby, but later he did not fuss when she came near. He was a very sick little guy.
This loving family have been a huge blessing to Sam and I . Thank you so much you guys!

The grace of the Lord was with me so strongly on the Saturday morning, and I fought fear with the Word of the Lord in spite of ' jelly legs ' and wanting to throw up . Looking on it now it is absolutely amazing that I went through with it. You can change your mind at any moment , but I knew that the Lord had spoken to me that it was time.

Naturally, I am still haunted by the memory of the time in that little office where the 'procedure' took place.
Now, I wonder, was he scared ? He trusted me and had I betrayed that trust ? Everyone said I was 'doing the right thing ', but that didn't help even though I knew it was likely true .

I carried him there as I carried him most of our life together. I held him in my arms until the end. It is still difficult for me to say that Sam has died.

I felt so bad that I had to put him through that. In the beginning I had prayed and asked Jesus to please be the one to take him, since He is the Lord of Life . For His own reasons I was meant to walk through this process , with Him in me and with me and He did not disappoint.

Now I am alone, and the reality of this meets me at every turn. My friends are praying and I am so thankful to those of you who heard Jesus whisper my name in your ear and for responding so faithfully.

Every day is a little better and life goes on. Someday, I will surely not be afraid to find another little buddy.

At the end of the day, it is always worth it all .

Rebecca wondered who Mr. Bear is. Meet Mr.Bear Rebecca.



Jonathan and Katherine,I want to thank you for being such a loving support for your mom. I love you. Then there is Maggie !


Maggie seemed to have a sensitivity to my loss, and when I freaked out later in the evening she was right there verbally sympathizing and wailing with me. She snuggled with me the whole rest of the night. She's a good dog .

Since Sam accompanied me nearly everywhere these last many months his absence is noticed at every turn. When I returned to work on Tuesday, the butterfly on the window mentioned in a previous post, had only just emerged from her chrysalis. She rested on the screen for the afternoon and then when her wings had dried, took her first flight in new found freedom. A very good sign to me I think.

SAM

August 7,1995 - July 21, 2007




I will miss you my very best friend and faithful companion. I love you and will take care of Mr. Bear until we meet again.

Prayer Please

Secretary ?

Yep!!
Last week finished my first two weeks as a Medical Secretary. I think I did o.k. I am now more aware of the secular world and found out how it goes in some places with human frailty evident everywhere.

The girl who trained me, barely trained me. Later I found out in some places it is either the old 'sink or swim' scenario. I found that I know how to tread water pretty well, especially with the Lord holding me up.

The first day by myself with the Doctor, who is an orthopaedic surgeon, the x-ray machine crashed. This office day, every patient needed to have a current x-ray to go over with the doc.

Now this man is a 'Specialist' and when I told him the problem, the look on his face told me more than I wanted to know. With a room of about six patients, and more on the way, I had to cancel the rest.

What can you do ? Go with the flow, keep your head and be very thankful that God is on my team.

Not bad for a first day. I think it could go under the old Murphy's law catagory.

The rest of my time was good. How could it get much worse, except that I was nearly crazy trying unsuccessfully to get the phones onto the answering machine, and the doc was sitting right beside me on the computer adding to my stress and insecurity. Eventually I was successful.

Oh well, I thought, I am glad I have another interview next week .

Something Beautiful

This little fellow was brought to the home where I work in Lakefield by a neighbour. We hung it on the screen where we can watch it emerge. I have never seen a Crysalis up close.
My picture is not very clear, and it actually is stunning when you can see it clearly.You can see the little gold specs like a crown around the top and the gold dots down lower. I am so amazed at how God clothes hidden things in such beauty .

Coming Soon

Amazing !

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AILA

My lovely grandaughter Aila is 4 years old! Happy Birthday Sweetheart! Grandma loves you very much and misses you.

Remembering His Promises

This may be what life feels like some days.
BUT .... GOD has promised
And He is Faithful.

I had wings once and I will fly again ! I believe Him.

Sad Tonight

Sometimes this is just how it is with us. In spite of all the distractions, at the end of the day this is what my heart holds dear.I am raw with this painful reality. Desolate but not alone.