Heartbreaking

The earth groans . When I watched this today, a solemn Presence filled my work space and I seemed to sense the heartbreak of the Lord weeping with His children in this terrible tragedy.



So we pray....

MY TRIBUTE TO A VERY SPECIAL YOUNG LADY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNEKA !

Eight years ago .... a beautiful little light came into my world and with her entrance my heart filled with moments treasured for a lifetime.


She was an Angel !



She loves to laugh and have a blast!

She loved to sleep over at Gramma's house.

She is a Princess !

She is a model.

She's a great student!

She's growing up way too fast !

She's an awesome big sister.

And she loves the Sens !!!!!

Most of all ,I am so thankful she loves her Gramma!

I love you Anneka, and miss you very much. Have a wonderful birthday Sweetheart!

I just love the fragrance of spring ! When I go for my little walk on my lunch hour I am happy to find an abundance of these lovely flowers to take back to the office so we can enjoy the aroma as it fills the room.

I want to be like this flower....no not purple .... though that is a great color but I want the fragrance of Jesus to bless those I work with. This is especially important to me . My boss is a very kind and generous man, and faithful in his faith which takes him to the mosque on Fridays for prayer.

Today my sisters and I are heading out to the Pickering flea market for a day of fun. I will return exhausted , but glad that the three of us have had a good day together.

Last week as I was out for a nice walk around the neighborhood and the signs that the university crowd were moving on for the summer were everywhere.

Free crap everywhere! And no I did not drag any 'treasures' home with me though I have heard it said 'one mans trash another mans treasure. Not this day at least.





I did take some nice nature pictures, but this one below captured my attention not only for it's simple beauty. The whole tree was filled with these lovely flowers , but there were no leaves .

Does anyone know what this flower is called ?

Miracle !

Today I begin full time employment !
I have the Best Dad in the whole world!

I love You Daddy !

Sweet Memories

One of the many familiar icons of spring beginning to make their presence known . I can't help but smile fondly and somewhat tearfully at the memory of chubby fingers clutching the precious bouquet and presenting it to me with so much pride and love .

Such sweet memories , such a very long time ago.....

I just have to say that I am so happy that spring is here ! I have so enjoyed getting out walking again watching everything around me burst into bloom. It is lovely enough that I can put up with all the dust in the air from the street cleaning.

On the job .... Min has been in the hospital since last Saturday, and he is recovering from pneumonia . Meanwhile B. has been thinking that he is 'gone'. That everyone is 'gone' and she is the only one left. It seems her dementia is worse under the stress of the trauma of separation .

I told her he was not dead and that she has spoken to him everyday, twice a day. That did not seem to comfort her and her memories of long ago are strangely muddled as well. I guess the nights in her bed alone disturb her the most and I will be glad when he is home, even though the work load doubles.

The family are now waiting for the nursing home to call, and when that happens my time there will be finished.

Amazing that this couple will be married 67 years in July .... no wonder B. feels like she has nothing to live for when she believes he is 'gone.' At least with the lovely weather I can take her out for walks in her wheel chair again. Funny.... every time we go out she comments that 'this is the first time ever that I have been out at this time of day'. I am glad she enjoys the moment.

Nice Day

After a nice long walk this morning I decided to head to familiar territory to pray and think and enjoy the warm sunshine.
This little park and marina is named in honor of my father. In the summer months there is something called the 'Festival of Lights' which many years ago was founded by my dad.
Music and fireworks over the lake every Wednesday and Saturday evening from May until the end of August is enjoyed by people from the city and surrounding areas.

Today was a quiet day in the park. The plaque below explains the origins of the park and the festival to visiting tourists .



This other plaque is situated in something called 'The Walk of Fame' where the many citizens who have contributed to the community have a memorial stone. My dad has been with the Lord for thirty years now and sometimes I miss him. I wish I had known him better.



The high water levels of earlier last week are receding now and we are all curious it seems.





Usually there are flocks of Canada geese here, but today only the seagulls were busy.

The fellow below had natural instincts on his mind this warm sunny afternoon and he was happily cheering his success. Earlier I had noticed the female , at least I think it was the female , dancing around her mate flirting and chirping a certain song.It could have been the male perhaps...hmmmmm ? Immediately after their encounter she took a swim of course.



Meanwhile,this fellow below flew into the group with a large piece of bread in his bill and proceeded to noisily strut around boasting his find with no intention of sharing .



A lovely day to sit and wonder and be thankful to the Lord for the spring season and my lesson on the mating habits of some cheeky birds.

The Sky is Falling

Well, ok maybe not actually falling , perhaps it just seems like it is . This post is written kind of tongue in cheek since that seems the only way to really talk about the last few weeks. No matter what it may look like I still have a mustard seed of faith that Jesus has deposited within me. Halleluia !



So... should I make a list or just simply ramble on. I choose rambling since I just got home from work a while ago and I am sleep deprived .

Recently got the results from my thallium heart scan to find out there is a spot of Ischemia in part of my heart, and will go to a cardiologist sometime . In my defense I choose to believe it is not because of years of butter , but years of stress instead and maybe even a brokenness of heart due to personal grief in the loss of Sam this last year .

I was working three jobs, which kept me busy and tired but at least paid the rent.

Until... eye doc guy decided he wanted someone with more medical experience and bravely left me a message on my voice mail. That was a good job and I really enjoyed the experience even though I was thrown in with only 3 hours training.
There are likely personal reasons the doc freaked out one of which was his regular girl of 30 years was not returning due to her second cancer surgery. I can understand the reason, just not the behavior.

I have had many job interviews and very little positive response , the reasons perhaps being my age and lack of years of experience. It does not seem to matter that I accomplished my course with excellence.

When I took the eye doc job, I gave up some of my Care Giving hours which my boss will not give back.

So, I'm beginning to see a pattern here. I head to Lakefield Saturday to discover the family of my seniors are going to be placing Min and B. in a nursing home since they have both had pneumonia badly and we are calling 911 a lot these days.

Hmmmm...Lord ??? When the Care Giving ends sometime in May likely that will leave me with one doc's office job one day a week......filing charts.

Lets see now, that was one huge car repair bill recently, car insurance due soon, rent to pay,expensive perscriptions to fill (no not vallium ) gas for my car, food ?

Hmmmmmm I wonder what's going on here ?

Am I freaked out yet ? Kind of I think !

On the other hand to see the bright side and yes there is a bright side, I have been listening to powerful teaching by Bill Johnson from Bethel Church in Redding California, where miracles are a regular occurrence. I am beginning to believe something good called restoration is for me as well.

Something IS happening in the depths of my being, and that is a very good thing. Truth is sinking into the clogged vessels and arteries of my heart and no matter what I see in the natural I will not be offended by the government of God over my life.

So even though it may appear that my sky is falling , I know the one who made that sky and trust Him way more than I trust the appearance of the shaking around me .

Keep coming Holy Spirit

Numbers 6:22-27 the Message

God bless you and keep you
God smile on you and gift you
God look you full in the face and make you prosper,
In so doing, they will place My Name upon the people.

Funny

This photo made me really laugh when I received it in an email yesterday. The truth is this is how I feel sometimes .

Naturally the scripture that comes to mind is.....

Matthew 11:28 'Come unto Me all you who labor and are heavy laden,and I will give you rest.'

With a strong forearm, the apron-clad blacksmith puts his tongs into the fire, grasps the heated metal, and places it on the anvil. His keen eye examines the glowing piece. He sees what the tool is now and envisions what he wants it to be—sharper, flatter, wider, longer. With a clear picture in his mind, he begins to pound. His left hand still clutching the hot mass with the tongs, his right hand slams the two-pound sledge upon the moldable metal.

On the solid anvil, the smoldering iron is remolded.

The smith knows the type of instrument he wants. He knows the size. He knows the shape. He knows the strength.

Whang! Whang! The hammer slams. The shop rings with the noise, the air fills with smoke, and the softened metal responds.

But the response doesn’t come easily. It doesn’t come without discomfort. To melt down the old and recast it as new is a disrupting process. Yet the metal remains on the anvil, allowing the toolmaker to remove the scars, repair the cracks, refill the voids, and purge the impurities.

And with time, a change occurs: What was dull becomes sharpened, what was crooked becomes straight, what was weak becomes strong, and what was useless becomes valuable.

Then the blacksmith stops. He ceases his pounding and sets down his hammer. With a strong left arm, he lifts the tongs until the freshly molded metal is at eye level. In the still silence, he examines the smoking tool. The incandescent implement is rotated and examined for any mars or cracks.

There are none.

Now the smith enters the final stage of his task. He plunges the smoldering instrument into a nearby bucket of water. With a hiss and a rush of steam, the metal immediately begins to harden. The heat surrenders to the onslaught of cool water, and the pliable, soft mineral becomes an unbending useful tool.

“For a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”
(I Peter 1:6-7)

Working , working , working, working, too tired to blog except to say that I have discovered the teachings of Bill Johnson from Bethel Church in Redding California. It seems that the Truth he shares is finally getting through the fog in my brain and the clutter in my heart.

There are free downloads of his sermons every week.

Check out his site here .

It's Time For Me To Remember

Hab. 2: 2-3 Then the Lord replied, Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it.
For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.

Psalm 105:19 Until the time that his word came to pass , the word of the Lord tested him.

Esther 6:1 That night the king could not sleep , so he ordered the book of the chronicles, the record of his reign to be brought in and read to him.

So... last evening I opened some of my old journals that I have been keeping for the last few years. It was necessary for me to look back at my journey and the promises and encouragement I believe was from the Lord.

Funny , it was just like plugging in my cell phone to charge it up. So encouraging and in many ways still alive with hope and comfort.

Anyway, I was doing this while at my job in Lakefield . My seniors were sitting holding hands on their couch and were watching the figure skating championships on TV.

Ah the sweetness of confusion...... Min came over to sit at the table with me as I was reading and reflecting in my journals.

He thought I was studying and I suppose I was in a way. This sweet man sat down and seriously offered to help me with further training. Whatever he could do financially or in any other way, to help me 'get more ice time'.

(Sorry I just couldn't resist adding this old picture.)


I told him that I was ok, but I really appreciated his concern for me. Then in the next breath he told me that he didn't know what he was talking about...... (he is sometimes aware that his thinking is in bad shape)
.....then again continued to offer me assistance in my training regarding 'ice time' because he knew it was costly. Then he went back to B. and discussed it with her.

It's all about the heart of the man, sweet and generous, and he was so serious that it moved my heart.

The reality is his brain gets 'stuck' on things sometimes , and attempting to change the subject doesn't always work. He was convinced they were interested in my 'skill' and offered much encouragement to further my training.

Sweet and funny and kind of sad.

I switched the TV to the news and that worked really well to distract them both for the rest of the evening.

Then I got back to reviewing the faithfulness of the Lord in my life . I guess I really am in training for something or other . I wonder if I will ever really figure it all out ?

Good Friday

CRUSHED

This is a bit of a gruesome picture, but I want to remember the significance of the battle that rages around us , and the ultimate Truth of the Victory.

In a previous post by John Paul Jackson, the point that the Lord brought home to me was the statement that, ''they have not come against you, they have come against Me. I will deal with it.'' And He did.

I am thankful for the reminder that it is not always me (though sometimes it is) who has messed up, or missed God.
There are other unseen forces always working trying to cause us to stumble trying to cause us to doubt the Word of God Himself and to accuse Him of all manner of things.

Having difficulty seeing the path and even remembering the promise in the first place .
Fear hinders my steps accusing God of His ability to provide and myself to hear and obey .

The Truth is He never leaves me and it is only the voice of my own pain that sometimes deafens me to His Voice .

I wonder at the mystery how sometimes God seems silent but really He is shouting in our ears .

Amazing!

More Magic Moments

As the days go by, the girls are settling in to having Gramma around instead of Mom and Dad. Aila was eager to demonstrate her piano lesson as was Anneka.



It was insightful to observe Aila's response to music. One day, she wanted a cd on so she could dance,and as we listened to an instrumental called Imagine she commented on parts of the music.
" That part is a monster in the woods, and another was someone tip toeing along." I was impressed by the way she could 'hear'. I love the wonder of the child's imagination and perhaps a clue into her gifting.



Showing off her Senators Sweater. I wanted both the girls but Anneka was busy on her computer.



One of the rewards of Gramma sitting. Letting Anneka tell some stories at bedtime , all the while knowing she is really stalling the inevidable lights out.

It was so fun to help her a bit with her homework, and I am amazed at how seven short years can grow a child so much. I remember how my heart literally leapt the first time I held her as a new born.
Now, when she gets going on some idea...usually to obtain an illegal snack or perhaps coming up with some plan to go shopping, I see myself in her, especially when I was eight years old.... very funny ...well scary actually.



Some of my favorite times with Aila have been the bedtime prayer times. So precious. I am very blessed to have this time with my girls.

Mommy and Daddy are back tomorrow night and I will be heading home on Wednesday. One of the funny things I must comment on is that taking care of my seniors is way easier than looking after a seven and four year old.

I keep reminding myself that I have raised four of my own and actually had five for a couple of years, and I survived. That was a long time ago now, and I am a lot older and way more tired . It has been fun and a delight to have this time with my loving granddaughters . Thank you Lord.

The Shack

A very good read !

Making Memories

The snowbanks here are amazing and remind me of early years in Winnipeg. The street is like a back lane that needs plowing. The neighbors are very patient and courteous when trying to manouver through the white trail.



Aila loves cars, and very proudly displayed her treasures to Grammma.

Anneka loves her little pets.





One of the traditions is McDonalds of course ! Yesterday we chose the one in Walmart. Another long time favorite outing.


Taking time to play is important to the girls.
(Mommy is always telling us to hurry .)


Anneka chose 'Baby Alive' a little doll that can drink and pee (Sorry Yvonne!) Then during the day I had to come up with new ideas to diaper the doll once the original 2 were quickly used up.

Aila chose ....... MORE CARS !!!

The next stop was 'DOLLARAMMA !!!'I told the girls they could choose 5 things each.

Well...... who knew ?? We came away with whoopie cushions, and a bright pink substance that also makes unseemly sounds, that I have now 'put away'.

I thought to myself 'this Gramma sure needs an education some days since I have forgotten so much from my parenting days ' all the while cleaning up spilled paint and broken pieces of farm machinery.

I had promised to make cookies with the girls and Anneka wanted to do all the things we had talked about in the first day.

So we baked ... cookie mix of course!


The smile says it all.


Aila had her turn as well , and I learned she actually likes the batter better than the finished product. Reminding me ....
As a young teen, I used to bake a chocolate cake mix especially at a certain time of the month. One time, so much of the batter disappeared that my mother was amazed that the cake was so thin, and when she accused me of eating the batter, I am afraid I denied it. (She was a smart mom). Anyway, all that to say, that Aila is carrying on the fun.

By supper time there was one more thing required of me. Anneka loves those Pillsbury crescent rolls, so we had bought some while shopping. I told her I was not too good at this kind of cooking.(My domestic hormone bit the dust many years ago)

But.... at the end of the day Anneka tells me they taste just like Oma's , a high compliment indeed.

These children know how to wrap Gramma around their little finger. I know it and allowed it ... for the first day anyway.