Smitten

I have fallen in love ! The Poetry of St. John of the Cross has captivated me.

Where have you hidden,
Beloved, and left me moaning?
You fled like the wounded stag
after wounding me ;
I went out calling you, but you were gone.


Pouring out a thousand graces,
he passed these groves in haste;
and having looked at them,
with his image alone,
clothed them in beauty.

Taking a time out. Back in a bit.

Job 24:1 Why, seeing times are not hidden from the Almighty, do they that know Him not see His days?

For joann

Anyone who knows me will know that I must clarify something for joann in Holland. In my previous post, the picture of the gentleman with my dog Sam is not my husband.

My main work for now is CareGiving, and the gentleman 'M' and his wife are my clients. He is a lovely person , 93 years old, and suffers from Alzheimer's disease. His wife (90) of nearly 66 years also has a different type of dementia.

I spend four nights a week taking care of them , sleeping ??? in their home, sometimes, cooking meals and cleaning etc. I get to do for them the things they can no longer do for themselves.



My little dog Sam has become very therapeutic for M, and I am blessed to be able to take him with me especially since he is so sick.(my dog that is)

I am as well the single parent of Jason. I love Yvonne and there are no words to describe my love for Anneka and Aila. I know Trudy and Ted will really miss them, for I also have lived far from them for a few years now and have wept many a day in lonliness for them. Now I will be able to drive a few hours and visit them more often once they move to Ottawa.

Rebecca is also my friend and I have been keeping track of the adventures of you and Trudy as well.

So ... there you go joann, a little information to keep you current . Thank you for commenting on my blog. Bless you and your family.

One of the ways Sam helps me out during my work day. His presence in the home for the hours we are there seem to be very comforting to my friend M.



Another amusing scene that I just had to capture for the memories. Nap time for a couple of buddies in the house.



Today was the perfect day,after arriving home from work, to have my coffee out on the deck to listen and watch the beauty around me. I had no sooner put the seed in the tray and within 5 minutes there was a family of Cardinals feeding.

The bright red flashed by, picked up some seed and carried it and actually fed it to the rather large babies sitting in the nearby tree. I have observed other birds doing this, and what amazes me is the size of the birds still being 'nursed this way'.





A lovely relaxing afternoon.I need to stop and do this more often.

Later in the day I cleaned and rearranged my little room. I have actually out grown it, but it's all I can afford for now. Anyway, after lugging and dragging things first one way and then another, in 30 degree heat (in my room),I can hardly find a place on me that does not ache. Good therapy for a troubled heart.

Yes, my landlady did finallly turn the air conditioning on for a couple of hours.

Yesterday I drove to Trenton to visit my friend Lillian. We finally finished reading The Old Curiosity Shop by Charles Dickens. It only took me nearly a year !!!



Lillian has macular degeneration and usually sits in her wheel chair with the television on from morning to night. I will not forger her, and neither will the Lord, no matter what the resistance, and there is much resistance from many directions.

So I will continue to pray and love her, holding her before the Lord every day. We have a new book to begin the next time I visit. The Country of the Pointed Firs,and Other Stories by Sarah Owen Jewett.

On the home front, the vet has told me we can get Sam's codeine in the 'transdermal patch', so that is very good news for now.

I asked her how long before the latest tumor would block his airways. We really don't know, but she said Sam has long out lived her expectations since when she first saw his x-ray in February.

So every day is a gift for which I am very thankful to the Lord. He really is the One who ultimately makes the decision, at least for me and either way, I will trust Him to either take him Himself or give me the word and the courage to do what must be done.

In the meantime, Sam continues to keep the squirrel population in our yard aware of his presence..... too funny !

Sam Update

Today Sam and I visited the vet for an assessment of his condition. His cough has been getting worse and since I am having such a difficult time getting his medication into him, I needed advice. We are looking into the transdermal patch, and hopefully they come in codeine or prednisone med's.

After his x-ray we discovered that the cancer has definitely been spreading in his lung and he has another large tumor in the right upper lobe. Part of this lung is already collapsed, and the cancer fills the lower lobe. (The right lung has 3 lobes.)
His left lung is clear, and I guess that's what he is using to breathe. That this cancer is growing rapidly was obvious.

We have not scanned to see if it's anywhere else, for that is very expensive and what good would it do anyway. I will just keep a really close eye on him and keep him as comfortable as possible for as long as I can , before having to make the dreadful decision .

So this is another 'reality' check. It's funny how we learn to adapt and cope with a certain level of acceptance, and carry on as life allows thinking o.k this is bad , but I can live like this. Then the facts are there and the inevitable comes into view...again.

I am learning to constantly live in the Presence of Great Grace. It is the only way I am able to survive this season of my life.

I am going to be honest here and say that as I was driving home, the sadness once again descended like a cloud. My next reaction was anger , at someone who had smoked for many years without thought of what that toxin was doing to others, especially an innocent animal.

I am struggling against accusation , been there, done that , repented etc ... still the good little Christian you know ... but the obvious medical evidence indicates most causes of lung cancer is smoking.

Humans have a choice, our pets and children do not when they live in that environment. Most smokers get ticked when they are reminded of this. I know, as I was a smoker myself some 33 years ago.

So the process of grief slowly grinds on in my heart. The letting go, the hanging on, the care giving, the loving, the pain in the losing, the weeping and the comforting.

Thankfully I know I am not alone in the journey, and I am not always aware of my own pain.

Sam has some good days, and it is then that I think 'Hey, he's doing o.k. we can do this for now.' More grace !!



Then there are the moments when he cuddles into me with a soft groan and my heart breaks and I weep , for him .... and for myself as well. I cannot imagine my life without him right now , yet I know I will go on. The memories will be bittersweet but lovely, and the season will change .

Happy Birthday Jason !

Was I ever that young ???


The picture on the right was his first haircut...so cute !
He thought so as well.


Jason's first time at the mic. The beginning of a very good thing.


This is one of my most favorite memories of my son leading worship.I love you Jason and I am very proud of the man you have become before my eyes. Loving husband to Yvonne and wonderful father to your children Anneka and Aila . Well done my son!

I also want to wish a very Happy Birthday to my little friend Kinza, now a lovely teenager. Hang on Carol-Ann the years fly by so quickly.


Happy Birthday Kinza!

Celebrating

Yesterday was certainly a day for celebration for a few of my friends. This is Hilda Parks , the Grandmother of two of my children. This amazing woman turned 99 !

Happy Birthday Nanna!!!! I hope you had wonderful day celebrating the gift of such a long and blessed life .



In another celebration Lisa and Jeremy were married. Another beautiful bride!


Some of the guests attending their cousins wedding.

Family members, three of my sisters children. David, Holly, a beautiful Maid of Honor, and Adam. It is always so much fun when this bunch get together. A good time was had by all!

Happy Birthday Anneka

Seven years ago today, Anneka Jewel Parks came into this world and my life. My favorite memory is when her daddy handed her to me, my heart literally leapt within me.
A beautiful gift I cherish to this day. Her eyes used to really to twinkle with delight and joy when she looked at me sometimes.

So Anneka, Gramma wishes you the very happiest birthday ever! I love you very much!

First Day

Today I began my first day of orientation in the doctor's office. I love it already! I will also be training tomorrow, which is actually today because I am still up.

There is plenty to learn and I am willing and eager to learn as much as I can. I am still keeping my Care Giving job until something permanent develops otherwise.

Tonight I am very thankful to the Lord for His Great Faithfulness.

Rebecca, shopping for posh clothes is a very difficult thing for me, but I am going to give it my best shot.

Bevy, I sure wish they had that 'fruffy' store here that we found in Kansas. It is called the Fashion Bug, and they had stylish clothes for real people as well as for the 'stick people.'

I need one of those 'makeover' experiences, since living in 'scrubs' for a year has ruined me for any style image . Oh well, I will manage somehow. Thank you Jesus for the gift of this job.

Song From Heaven

The other day, while I was sitting having a quiet moment with the Lord, I noticed the song of a particular little bird outside my window.

There are those times when the natural can suddenly capture my attention and suddenly the moment is Supernatural.

In this instance, I heard the Song declare 'Take courage Beloved, help is on the way.'

An hour later, I received a phone call.

I now have a part time position in an Orthopedic Surgeon's Office, assisting and relieving his Secretary.

This is absolutely HUGE!

To be given the opportunity to finally have a 'New Beginning.' I am so thankful to the Lord for His Favor.


Yay God!

Out Our Front Door

I love spring time! Since my trip I am still trying to get over the 'bug' I came down with .I have been spending my time either working or resting and still I am waiting to feel well.
Today I decided to enjoy the beauty breaking out all around me, so on my way to the grocery store took a few pictures of my surroundings.

This is the pleasant view when we open the front door. I love the tulips.


The front of the house seems to smile a welcome.


Sam likes to have his ears tenderly scratched. It seems to comfort both of us.

Rest

I am safely home and very happy to be with my little dog again. Now it is time for me to take a break from my blogging. I do not know for how long.

Wednesday

Since I have not been feeling very well, I rested a lot the last couple of days. Aila has been like glue to me the whole time. So today, we rested on the bottom bunk and watched 'Finding Nemo' on my laptop. That worked for us.

After dinner I told Anneka that I would go for a bike ride with her and Yvonne. She had asked me the other day, and I was not able, but I could not leave here without keeping my promise.




The smile on that child's face was radiant. When we got outside, Anneka said to me' Are you sure you know how to ride a bike Gramma?'I was sure and we had a nice ride.

Upon our return she says 'You did really good Gramma, you didn't fall once.'

So now I know my granddaughter is proud of me but also thinks I am one of the 'ancients'. I have certainly enjoyed my visit in spite of being under the weather.

Thursday finds me flying back to Toronto , a brief overnight with my other son and his lovely wife, then driving home on Friday to Sam and work in the evening.

I am very thankful to Yvonne and Jason for their love and hospitality to me this past week, and for all the cuddles and loves from the girls.

Tuesday

Today I am sick ... been away a year and have not been ill, now I have been hit with a bad cold...sniff...sniff...sneeze. Good night and may God bless and heal us.

Monday

The Manitoba Childrens Museum was a big hit with the girls today.


Happy time with arms full of this kind of love.




Girls just want to have fun !!! And we did.

Sanctuary

Sunday evening we went to Sanctuary House of Prayer. I am sharing a few pictures and thanking the Lord for this work He is doing . Such a huge blessing.


Brian and some of the band.

Joyska visiting from K.C.having a time in the Word.

Shane praying ....always praying, and Joel singing in the background.

More prayer for healing.

Some of the singers,we love.

The end of a lovely evening with the Lord and His friends.

Update

Like any normal Grandma, I came bearing gifts for the children.

There are these really cool things called skater shoes, and they are equiped with wheels in the heels , and can be used to walk or slide or some such action. I knew the boys really wanted them and found some at the Pickering flea market.
Problem is the task looks way more easy when someone else does it than when first starting out as Jared and Ryan found out.



A look can say it all.




I am sure they will get the hang of it eventually. Anneka feels the same way with hers I think.

Then today Aila and Anneka and I were off to McDonald's for breakfast,(a family favorite) though at a bit later hour than when they go with Daddy. Pancakes were the favorite and I am inclinded to agree . Then we went and shopped and shopped and finally ended our day at the park.




A wonderful day and a memory I will cherish .

Happy Reunion

My first day here. Tired but very loved by my girls. While the first part of the day Anneka was in school, Aila entertained Gramma.





Later in the afternoon of a beautiful warm spring day, Anneka brings me up to speed on her new bike, along with a dazzling demonstration of her technical skills.

It has been a long year away from these darlings, and I am so thankful to be here with them for a while and soak up their affections. Thank you Lord!