A New Year Begins

I came across this timely devotional and it seems good to me to mention on my last post of 2006.

From 'God at Eventide'

December 31 - New Year's Eve

Bring to Me this eventide the past year with its sins, its failures, its lost opportunities.

Leave that past with Me, your Savior today as ever, and go into the New Year forgiven, unladen, free.

Bring to Me your youth or age, your powers, your love -- and I, as your God-guide through the year to come, will bring My agelessness, My powers, My love.

So shall we share the burdens and the joys, and the work of the days that lie ahead.

Now to Him who is able to keep you from falling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen. Jude 1:24-25

A New Beginning...... into 2007 walking with Jesus . Happy New Year to all my friends and family.

I Needed to Hear This

Navigating the Crossroads
by John Paul Jackson


Many, many people in the Body of Christ right now are struggling with important decisions that will directly or indirectly affect every step they take after this. They aren’t little, general decisions about which in-laws should be visited this Christmas; they’re the to-move-or-not-to-move decisions — occupation decisions, life decisions.

A whole host of questions comes up in the process: At the cliff’s edge, do I run or take the plunge? Is this even the right cliff? Is there a “correct” way in this? What if I get it wrong? If I go right, will I be in sin? If I go left, will I successfully cut off my destiny forever?

Have you ever asked yourself questions like these before? I have. We make choices every day. We make them for the dark, and we make them for the light. We choose God, and we choose our soul, which is darkness.
Sometimes we choose the soul thinking it’s spirit, and we reject the spirit because we think it’s soul. But the more we mature in Him, the more time we will spend in the light, and the choices we make will be the light and life of the world!

Said a little differently, every choice we make will either lead us toward God or away from Him. That is how He set up our world to work and function. This is why the littlest choice we make, even just a teeny one, can open the floodgates of Heaven in our life. He takes the little we give Him and makes it a great thing.

That being said, how many of us live a life that oozes a deep, abiding confidence that God really is all-powerful and, therefore, really in control of everything? If we truly believed this, we would never worry about the questions in the first paragraph.
It wouldn’t be that we’d suddenly have all the right answers or know, without doubt, one thing from the next, but we would trust implicitly. Even if things didn’t turn out the way we’d anticipated, we would know that they happened the way they did for a reason.

This type of thinking evidences deep spirituality that comes only from the Holy Spirit of the Living God. All you have to do is make the right choice — one choice at a time, and it starts with choosing Jesus. There is no enlightened thinking outside of choosing Him!
There is no true knowledge outside of the knowledge that comes from Him. There is no holiness; there is no righteousness; there is no lasting power of any kind outside of Him. The problem is that we have limited what He can do for us because of our unbelief. That has to change!

How many of us have a deep, underlying faith that the decision we make today is really God’s choice for us? In making it, we simply discovered God’s choice. Even if it doesn’t turn out as we wanted it to, God still chose it because He wanted us to learn something we did not know.
Don’t worry about the questions you have. Is your Father able to take care of you? Yes! Take what you know and rest in Him. He is more powerful than you could ever know, and He really is in complete control of your world.

Thank You

My first stop this past holiday weekend was to visit with my lovely friend Carol-Ann and her family Bruce and Kinza. They had agreed to sit Sam for me while I spent a day with my son and his new bride, and their dog Maggie.


Meet Maggie...she's such a good sport.
Sam is not exactly socialized when it comes to other animals, so thus the need for a sitter.

This family are so talented musically, and the Lord used them to kiss me with His Nearness while Carol-Ann and Kinza practiced their music for Sunday service.

Silent Night is my very favorite Christmas Carol, and it has been a long time since my hair stood on end in response to the warm presence of Jesus while this lovely mother and daughter duo practiced.

Thank you so much Allen family for your loving me and my Sam. Bless you all in the coming year.

Christmas Memories

Christmas 1954, Dad was in Korea . We had had our baths and sat for this picture , behaving very well, to send to our daddy .

Many years later some very special memories.




Jason's first guitar.....do we remember Shaun Cassidy ???

1994 Sam's first Christmas


1996 Sam's second Christmas


Sweet Anneka ..... funny how time slips away.




Jared, Ryan, Anneka and Aila.

Another really great thing about Christmas Day is it is Ryan's Birthday.
Today Ryan turned six years old. Happy Birthday Ryan !

Christmas Joy

JOY IS GOD EXPRESSING HIMSELF IN THE FACE OF JESUS !

May His Face shine on all my friends and Family as we remember that
"IMMANUEL"..... GOD IS WITH US!
Merry Christmas and God Bless us every one!
I too will snuggle up in His Presence here.

Toronto

In a few hours Sam and I are heading to Toronto to spend a couple of days with Friends and family.
Then we are driving back Christmas Eve Day and I am working a long shift including overnight with my Lakefield couple.


Here they are, aren't they cute. They sit and hold hands for hours and hours, and have been married 65 years. The headphones on my Lady enable her to hear the television well.

Another fun thing happened yesterday when my lovely niece Holly gave me her old cell phone. Now I am truly hip, and I even bought a sparkling 'bling' case for it. Thank you Holly for your loving generousity.

,

More later. Must sleep to drive and not die on the 401 in a few hours.

For Carol-Ann

He has him in his sights

Sam has finally discovered the squirrel population around here. There are black ones, brown ones , and grey ones. They are everywhere , busy doing what ever it is that sqirrels do. Until recently Sam has not even noticed them.



In his old age,and being sick, he still has the 'little lion' in his heart. As for the blurry pictures, that is my doing, but Sam's attitude is clearly seen as he walks away.What a funny little guy !

I was moved by this posting from Lisa at The Uprising, and since I cannot always get the link thing to work, decided to dispay it here. I hope that's ok Lisa, I want to think on these things more than I have been. Thanks for the reminder.



My kid fell today. turned, looked, & saw my kid in full scream sprawled spread eagle on concrete. i dropped everything... and ran. i don't run. anyone you meet who knows me will tell you this. but i ran. after the comforting hug, washing of the scrapes, & some neosporin, he was off on his next adventure. i got to thinking about the prodigal son's dad running out to meet him. yeah, it makes total sense. my world stops at my sons urgent need... and to his urgent needy cry, i am captive to respond. i could do nothing else. it's in my d.n.a. i wonder if God is like that too.

And if the grief stricken, impaled by tragedy, are too wounded or angry to cry out, can we cry out for them? is this then the definition of intercession. if a nation, a people, or a person, becomes too broken or bound to even think of heading home, can we cry out for them? is then this the definition of intercession?

Dad, Joe is too broken & angry to cry out so i cry out on his behalf. Dad run out to meet him... where he is. Dad the people of Joe are too grief stricken & shell shot to lift up their heads toward heaven & cry out to you in their grief. Dad hear my cry on their behalf. Meet them as you would have met me. And if they share blame - forgive & have mercy & hurl in solutions - for Your name's sake

Yesterday when I arrived at work, I found a most pleasant surprise. A lovely , tall Christmas Tree sat in simple splendor in front of the living room window, lights on . A very welcome sight indeed .

The best thing about this tree is that is a "real" tree, and is giving off the most beautiful fragrance. Ahhhhh......

It has been a very long time since I have enjoyed that real tree ambiance. Thank You Jesus !

Later in the wee small hours of the morning I heard my Lady exclaiming in alarm," I dreamed that a man came into my room and told me that my time here was finished."

Needless to say, I have been awake since then and have been praying .

Ahhhh the memories.... Boney M Christmas Music....a flash from the past to be sure, but playing now as I get ready to go to work for the night.

How much I would rather be where Yvonne and Jason are tonight.(IHOP)

These overnights are a challenge. Not difficult , just tiring .
A very different kind of 'Night Watch'.

Now I must drop Sam at the sitters, so I am on my way. God Bless!

Musings and Memories

It was two years ago today that my Little Aunt T. went to be with the Lord. I miss her.
My time spent walking with her through the last stages of her life are a precious memory to me still. The very fact that the Lord sent me there at all is amazing and I am grateful for every step of the journey, no matter how difficult and terrifying.

Some days in our lives are "marker days". That is why remembering is important. All too often I can become overshadowed by the grip of past trauma. This is not the case today. I am just quietly thankful for the whole journey, even the bumps and camel rides, not to mention the watering of same. (Genesis 24:19-20.)

There have been times in my life when I feel that the Lord has asked me to :


This has never, ever been an easy decision and I know there have been many unintentional woundings and misunderstandings along the path, with many regrets as well.

I am not only talking about leaving my beloved children and grandchildren,and the birthing of the Sanctuary House of Prayer, but unhealthy ways of thinking and believing, fears of making a mistake, all the 'what if's' that can so easily cause me to stumble and tempt me to be offended in my journey.

Learning to trust Jesus has actually been the whole point most of the time, and discovering His Faithfullness every step of the way is becoming my Joy.
The Truth I keep coming back to is that He IS Who He says He IS, and His Word is the Absolute Truth , no matter what I am experiencing, and, no matter how much the enemy would try to have me accuse Him and believe otherwise.

HE DOES SEE IT ALL, and HE DOES CARE !And He moves in my behalf.

Some time ago I found a word on Mair's blog and as I was reading it again today felt the Nearness of His Presence encouraging me to remembering my story.

Pack nothing.
Bring only your determination to serve and your willingness to be free.
Don’t wait for the bread to rise.
Take nourishment for the journey, but eat standing, be ready to move at a moment’s notice.

Do not hesitate to leave your old ways behind, fear, silence, submission.
Only surrender to the need of the time, to love justice and walk humbly with your God. Begin quickly, before you have time to sink back into old slavery.

Set out in the dark. I will send fire to warm and encourage you.
I will be with you in the fire and I will be with you in the cloud.
I will give you dreams in the desert to guide you safely home to that place you have not yet seen…. I am sending you into the wilderness to make a new way and to learn my ways more deeply.

Some of you will be so changed by weathers and wanderings that even your closest friends will have to learn your features as though for the first time.
Some of you will not change at all.

Some will be abandoned by your dearest loves and misunderstood by those who have known you since birth and feel abandoned by you.
Some will find new friendship in unlikely faces, and old friends as faithful, and true as the pillar of God’s flame. Sing songs as you go, and hold close together.

You may at times grow confused and lose your way, touch each other and keep telling the stories .

Make maps as you go, remembering the way back from before you were born…. So you will be only the first of many waves of deliverance on these desert seas.
It is the first of many beginnings of your Passover. Remain true to this mystery.

Pass on the whole story. Do not go back.
I am with you now and I am waiting for you.

Known By God

Jer.1:5 BEFORE I formed you in the womb I knew you; BEFORE you were born I set you apart.

Is.49:1-2 The Lord has called me from the womb ; From the matrix of my mother He has made mention of my name , and He has made my mouth a sharp sword ; In the shadow of His hand He has hidden me.

Psa 139:13 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb.
Psa 139:14 I thank you, High God--you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration--what a creation!
Psa 139:15 You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Psa 139:16 Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day.

As I continue on in my classes, I am more and more astounded at the amazing way we have been created.
As my heart worships My Creator and my mind tries to comprehend His ways concerning my journey, I stand before Him totally undone ..again.

My second course has started , Anatomy and Terminology. Flash back to high school to the time I dropped Latin. Well....latin is back in my life and my brain is stinging from a full day of studying for my first test next week. It will take a while to get in the rythym of that ancient language. It's a good thing there are pictures!

After this , in February, I will be taking Transcription, so I am trying to learn to type with ALL my fingers. It's driving me crazy!!! I have been practicing for a while and still have so far to go. Help me Lord !
On the other hand in my computer upgrading class, I have taken basic Excel, and Power Point, which I love ! It is so much fun creating powerpoint presentations. the only problem is I don't have Office 2003 on my computer, and can only use the college computer while I am there. If anyone has a copy of Office around I sure would like top 'borrow'it for a bit.

On the home front, times are skinny here, with having to pay rent, buy gas to drive to work, food and medicine for Sam, I haven't much left for food for myself.
Tonight the lady I rent my room from showed me great kindness, and cooked a little meal of chicken, small little round potatoes and corn, with a side salad, and brought it to my room for me. Delicious ! Amazing. Thank you Ann!

Phi 4:11 Not that I speak as to need, for I have learned to be content in whatever state I am. ( I am not here yet, am I Lord ?)
Phi 4:12 And I know to be humbled, and I know to abound; in everything, and in all things, I am taught both to be filled and to hunger, both to abound, and to lack.(So I am in more than one school these days.)

Grandma's Happy Day

I received a beautiful letter from Anneka today via snail mail.

Thanks to Oma Trudy for mailing it to me. It is good to be remembered.

A very happy day for this lonely Grandma.

I love you and miss you a lot Anneka! Your love made my day today.

Thank you Sweetie. I will phone you tonight.

The Word Became Flesh

He was touchable, approachable, reasonable. And what's more, He was ordinary. If He were here today you probably wouldn't notice Him as walked through a shopping mall. He wouldn't turn heads by the clothing he wore or the jewelry he flashed .

"Just call me Jesus," you can almost hear him say.

He was the kind of fellow you'd invite home to watch the game at your house. He'd wrestle on the floor with your kids, doze on your couch, and cook steaks on your grill.He'd laugh at your jokes and tell a few of His own.

And when you spoke , He'd listen to you as if He had all the time in eternity.
(Max Lucado)

Shopping

This past Saturday I drove my sister to the Scarborough Town Center for some Christmas shopping. Here in Peterborough the shopping centers are so small and kind of lame.

I should have known better than to think that I would be able to enjoy this event with my foot still in the early stages of healing.

So while my sister and neice shopped I ended up sitting on the benches with an interesting mixture of other weary shoppers. One lady sitting next to me, at one point called someone on her cell phone, and I heard her say 'When are you coming out of the store?' I laughed to myself and thought that was a very good use of a cell phone. It worked for her too, as she got up immediately and went her way.

As the hours moved slowly on , I just watched the people. Most adults were in their own world, with their walls up. But the children ! It was so fun to make eye contact with the little ones, the beauty of their innocence so clearly evident in their eyes. I smiled at them and enjoyed their reactions.

One amazing thing I noticed was that I was a visible, or perhaps I should say invisible, minority. There was not much English being spoken either, and I thought about what the earth might have looked like back when the everyone spoke one language.

Well.... I was sitting there a very long time, and didn't have a book to read.

In the midst of all the people , Christmas decorations, Santa and even the Christmas music, I felt very alone and very, very sad. I wasn't sure why, and almost burst into tears at one point. Maybe it was an intercession, or maybe it wasn't.

I have absolutely no desire to do Christmas this year. I cannot afford to buy gifts for anyone. (Yes, I know it's not about the gifts.)

I will not be able to see my children and grandchildren. I wish I could work. I will spend the day with my sister and her children, and try not to feel jealous as her adult kids love on their mom, which they do frequently and are visibly generous in their affection towards her.

As I talk to the Lord about all the raw feelings that I seem to be generating this year, I am reminded about the fact that I need Him to deal with anything in my heart that will hinder His having all of me.

I am reminded that I am 'bent', and that it is my nature at times to look sideways at others for approval and love, when I was really created to keep my eyes up and focused on my Father first, for everything I need.

In the past my I found my identity in being a mother. I lived for my children and loved pouring my life out on them. No regrets there !

That was only a role ,a season in my life , and not my true identity which I can only find in Jesus. Sometimes, I still function out of that other place, and find it difficult to lay aside.

So that's how it is for me this year. My first year away from Anneka and Aila and the boys as well.

Times and seasons change, and so I am reluctantly letting the Lord have His way, knowing He is keeping me, even if I am not too happy about the plan at this moment.

No wonder I am limping. At the end of the day, I am determined to come up leaning on My Beloved. Then I will know it was worth the pain in the journey.

Dear God

I want to live before Your Gaze
I want to live before Your Eyes

Sam

Rebecca, Sam is eleven and a half years old, so perhaps some of his illness is due to his age.
When we first arrived in Peterborough back at the end of May, Sam had an 'event', in which he kind of fainted, and was out of it and sick for a few days. I took him to my vet in Trenton because that's where they have his records etc.

One of his lungs looks completely white, and the vet could not give a totally accurate diagnosis without doing a lot of very expensive and dangerous tests Something called a lung wash.
She said it could be tumors (cancer), and that the lung wash would give them a better idea. Since it would endanger him even more I declined.
The other thing it could be is a fungal infection which he may have picked up in Kansas, or he could have 'blown a clot' in his lung.

He was a really sick little dog. Then the Doc. suggested this Chinese herbal remedy, which she orders from Edmonton, and he began to bounce back in an amazing way. The thing is all this is just to help keep him comfortable, as there really is no cure, a fact that she reiterated again today.

It makes me so sad. I don't want to have to make that final decision, and he's not there yet, but I am also nervous if he goes into severe respiratory distress in the night.

So I trust the Lord who gave him to me in the beginning, will see us through the end as well.

Those of us who are pet lovers know that when we decide to commit to the responsibility of a pet, the time will come when we will inevitably grieve their departure. We know the pain of this, but we willingly take the risk of loving them unconditionally anyway, because the joy we experience from life with these little guys pales in the face of the grief.

Sam has been with me since he was five weeks old, and has been used by God to help me keep my heart soft during some of the darkest days of my life when love for him was all I was certain of.

I have learned that pain reminds me that my heart, though breaking, is at least alive.
Yep...God picked the perfect little puppy for me, and I will always be thankful.

Dance of Joy !

Just completed my exam in Medical Terminology . Results in a couple of weeks they say. Next week we begin the next course, Anatomy. We are so incredibly created, and I am looking forward to learning more.

.............................................................................

In the meantime, tomorrow I am heading to Trenton to see Lillian, while picking up some special medicine for Sam. It is a Chinese herbal something or other, that really helps him.
With out it he will deteriorate rapidly. Somehow it helps his lungs, and cuts down on his coughing, which sounds like he has pneumonia, but he doesn't.

So I am hugging him a lot, and cherishing every moment while I have him.

Wrestle

This is the truth, that I am in the grip of a mighty wrestle. At first I would be tempted to accuse God, that He in His Sovereign Wisdom, has set me down in a barren place to die one way or another.
Upon more serious reflection though, I find that I am the one doing the accusing of myself, trying to find out where I may have missed it.

Living unoffended with the Lord can be a challenge. No wonder we are tested.

In the process of my journey I have shut myself down. What I mean is that I have chosen to keep silent and not speak of the Lord very much, because of the fact that I have no control over who reads my blog, and also that I cannot make myself clear sometimes, and that sometimes I have felt mocked by misunderstanding, with eyes rolled back in heads in wonder at the lady who is totally 'meshugge.'

In the past I have chosen to be vulnerable and let the Lord flow and speak whatever I felt He was saying to me. It was therapeutic to sit at my computer, and let Jesus whisper to my heart and He would enable me to find words sometimes to share.

Recently, I read a post by my friend Mair a.k.a. Ragamuffindiva and she spoke on the nakedness that the Lord had commanded Isaiah to walk in literally. Is.20:2.

So I am going to challenge myself to try to walk in more truth and feedom. Afterall, if anyone does not like what I am writing, they just don't have to read it.

So Lord...I will try to open my heart again.

Light

'I am the Light of the world, He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the Light of Life.'

'And the Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.'

Now that the days have become shorter and darker, by the time I am driving to work each evening it is already night. The route I take after I drop Sam at the sitters, is along the River Road .
In the spring and summer months it is a beautiful scenic drive. It can be lovely in the winter as well, but at night there are stretches of road where there are no lights.
I used to say that I cannot drive at night because my eyes are not great for night driving. Remember K.C. Bevy , and me screaming to God, I cannot DO this ?
Well, I am doing this ! Good one Lord !

But I digress. We know that 'darkness' has increased in the world. One only has to watch the evening and world news to be reminded of the fact.

One evening while driving to work, I became aware of how really dark it is. It felt like it was really daylight, but the daylight was really very intense darkness. Spiritually I mean of course. For a moment it was Total Darkness. It's a good thing that our human eyes cannot actually see the spirit realm unless the Lord grants it.
I would love to see Jesus and the Good guys, and I thank the Lord for the few brief encounters that He has allowed me, but there is the other side that runs rampant for a time yet, and him and his minions I do not want to see....for real!

All I really am trying to say is that a soberness came over me. An awareness that something is very near. The kind of thing that makes me press in little closer , grip His Hand a little tighter, See His Face and keep a prayerful vigilance as I walk through my days doing what He has given me to do.

The days are short, but we have His Light and His Oil. No I won't sing that old song Rebecca , give me oil.....at least not right now.. ok.. at least not out loud :)

Fracture

Yep....cracked the bone a mighty good one,in the middle of the 5th. metatarsal.
Not the toes (phalanges) but the meta along the outside of the foot.

(Sure is weird lookin' at your own bones on those x-rays.)

Whatever !!! I will hobble on, as there is not too much I can do but try to keep it elevated and not use it too much . Ha ha ! Like that will happen!

Faces I Love

These are some favorite early memories I cherish
now that I am alone and many times feeling it.





And so I ask ?

Diagnosis ?
HOMESICK !