Strength in Weakness

That is the title of this painting by David Costello. Just seems to say it all for me these days , as I am carried by 'Grace' through each hour , day and week .

Sitting here on my bed tonight, Sam is stretched out beside me, finding a comfortable position to breathe easier. As well,I am able to take him with me when I work these days. The family has asked that I bring him along as Sam is good therapy for my Mr.

In two weeks I will finish my Transcription course, which I am really enjoying. My typing is coming along pretty well too, so progress is there. My last course finishes in 4 weeks, and I will have my certificate. Now all I will need is a job to top it all off.

I had a lovely phone call from Anneka and Aila yesterday.
They called to tell me they miss me.Isn't that so sweet ? Sometimes if we time it right, Anneka MSN's me. Lord Jesus, I sure miss those girls! I hope I can find a way to visit soon , but it will have to be after Sam is gone since to fly with him in his condition is too stressful for him . So I will see what the Lord will do.

In the meantime I will try to hang in and hang on, and will be very glad when this particular season is finished in my life.

At least Spring has arrived , the sun is warm, and even the rain is welcome. Today, I didn't even mind cleaning up a lot of doggy doo , which until recently remained hidden beneath the snow.
Actually I have been cleaning up personal 'doo' as well that has been hidden beneath the layers of 'snow' in my heart.

Weakness. I know about that. So I am thankful that His Strength sustains me through these days as I am hidden in Love Himself. Thank You Jesus!

Storm Approaching

Recently, while tuned in to the Prayer Room, I heard a few phrases from the worship that stirred my heart to listen more closely. There are times in the midst of the daily grind with all its distractions and demands, I can loose my focus.

The raging winds that assault my life at times get blamed on God, thinking that His testing will never end, when really it is the enemy of my soul taunting my faith.

There's a Storm comin' My heart needs God!
There's a Storm on the horizon, It's not going away.
There's God on the horizon. He's not goin' away!

The Season is changing.

The Lord shares His secrets with His friends.

Then the the other day, I opened my bible to Isaiah 32.

Behold , a King.....

A Man will be as a Hiding Place from the wind, and a cover from the tempest.


I am so grateful for the Living Word of God. Jesus. My Hiding Place. He is Real. That's the Truth. I believe Him.

Shadows gather around me these days. Sam's decline and eventual passing. Waiting for the Lord to provide and make a way in the fullness of His Will for my life. The taunting voice of the enemy that mocks and presses unbelief upon me to the point of despair.

Many times I feel forgotten by God. Perhaps some have known these feelings. Joseph in the dungeon, David, Jesus from the cross.

Psalm 42:3 My tears have been my food day and night, while 'they' continually say to me, Where is your God?

Sometimes we need discernment as to who is really asking us to drink the cup that hovers before our eyes.

Then the Lightning flashes to reveal the lies, and here and there I hear the Voice of a Friend from afar, shoot arrows of Truth and encouragement into my grieving soul.

Lord, thank you for the Words of Life You have written through Your Spirit and breathed into my heart in the midst of the storms of life.

I believe there really is a God Storm coming, and all the tensions I endure will enable me to stand firm and unoffended in that day. I find myself in the Man who is my Hiding Place.

The other day I was listening to some of the teachings from my 'Excellencies of Christ' class. Allen Hood is a great teacher. The thing that struck me again was just how much the validity of the Word of God and the Diety if Christ is under assault.

We know that Satan is doing this, but what I have been encountering is the fact that there are many Christians who are buying into that lie. I believe that the bible is God breathed by Holy Spirit, and when He opens my heart to the revelation of Jesus I am astounded.

In the early years of my christian experience the word really seemed like dead words on the page. Later there were times when His Presence breathed on me and the words on the pages became a Living Person, revealing Himself and His Plan to my heart. Then again, He would seem to withdraw and I would be fighting to find life in those same words that lived only a short time ago.

The enemy is out to abolish the Truth of the Word, like Hitler burned bibles and books that threatened his ideology during the second world war. He has not changed his tactics.
I am encouraged by the Word that declares.

Psalm 2:1-4 Why do the nations rage, and the peoples plot a vain thing?
The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel against the Lord and against His Anointed, saying, Let us break Their bonds in pieces,and cast away Their cords from us.

verse 4: He Who sits in the heavens laughs: the Lord shall hold them in derision. Then He shall speak to them in His wrath, and distress them in His deep displeasure.

The Storm that approaches will confront the 'spirit of the age, the anti-christ spirit' that even Jesus had to deal with in His time on the earth. As the days pass, and the cares of this world press in upon us, distracting us from what is around the corner, the measuring line is stretched out.

'He who is not with Me is against Me.' said Jesus. In the darkness of this hour our faith in Jesus will stand firm as we strengthen ourselves in His Word. It is this Living Word that will give us discernment in identifying the Real Jesus in the days ahead.

The tactics of the enemy have never really changed. It was in the Garden of God where he said to Eve, 'did God really say?' He seems to never tire in repeating this whisper in our ears.

Yes.... God really did say !!!!!

Come

We know God because He chooses to reveal Himself. He is the Holy One who chooses to disclose Himself. He is the Mystery made known. He is Pleasure Immeasurable. Delight Consummate. He is the Overflowing God.

He is the reason I exist, to give Him pleasure. The reason He made me was so that I could enjoy Him and He could enjoy me.

He is clothed in Light like a garment, and He invites me to come in out of the darkness that threatens to rob me of that Knowledge, in to the welcome safety of His Embrace.

The door is always open and He is speaking to me. I hear Him calling out to come near as He conquers the mountains before me. His is the Voice of many waters, beconning me.

Today I incline my ear and listen.

"Do you trust me ? Leave your fears behind .
Come away,I am doing a new thing. Trust My Leadership. Get out of the boat and walk on the water with Me."

Help me God, I want to walk on the water with You.

Longing For Refreshing

This painting truly depicts the desire of my weary heart these days. How I would love to find a place just like this. A wilderness place far from the cares and stresses of everyday life, surounded by angelic beings waiting with me the Arrival of the Desire of my heart. I want to be found faithful Lord .

In real life though I sit here burning c.d.'s for my good friend Bevy. I have just finished a very long three weeks of work. I am so tired, that sleep eludes me. Earlier in the evening I attended one of my classes, also a nice break from the stuff that tears at my soul.

I am so tired of grieving. I am tired of being with my seniors, and wonder what the heck am I doing ???? A few days ago my Mr., who has been declining further into the abyss of Alzheimers began to show increasing aggression and aggitation.

It was verbal not physical, but some of it, in his confusion was directed at his little wife. I could feel it in the air. This really pressed some of my buttons I can tell you. All I wanted to do was to protect her , and it was only later that I realized the incident had triggered deep places in my own memories. Yes, it still happens! Things from the past get triggered at unfortunate times .

My Mr.'s anger was being misdirected at his wife, but really, he is very angry with himself. In the rare moments the 'real' person surfaces for a few minutes he expresses his self loathing that he has become a 'gibbering idiot' as he called himself.It is so very sad, and I do not begin to understand the mystery or the purpose of any of it.

All I really know is that the Lord sees it all. Everything. He sees these dear people, He knows that I do not want to do this any longer, He knows what His plan is. I just wish He'd tell me.
I will confess one thing though....I have reluctantly learned to play Fish, and I actually enjoy this crazy senario once in a while. Bizzaro World !!!!! Speaking of which....

My little pal Sam has been challenging my ingenuity in finding ways to get his pills into him. A few times when he would not eat, I tried to force the tiny half a pill past his teeth and down his throat. Well.... he has learned to fight me really well on that one , so well in fact that I stopped trying .
It seemed too mean and cruel and besides that his little teeth are still very sharp and can he hold his mouth shut !!!! I am just trying to find the right medication for his pain relief so he can be comfortable. He has some good days and some not very good days.

So I remembered his favorite food is chicken, and bought him his own little pieces of bar-b-que chicken. That worked and I rejoiced, until Sam found the little pill and deftly spit it out all the while not losing any of the chicken. He is brilliant at manoevering that thing out of his mouth. Have I mentioned that I am very tired these days, I wonder why Lord ?????

This weekend Sam and I are heading to Toronto to visit my son and his beautiful wife. Sam will meet Maggie.


Do not be deceived by the sorry look on Sam after a recent bath, for when he meets large and very friendly and playful Maggie for the first time I know I will be very embarassed. Sam does not know that he is a very little dog, and he does not realize that he is sick and dying. If he did I am sure that would not make much of a difference to him. I have the feeling that he will want Maggie to know just who is really in charge at least vocally anyway.
My wonderful son has ensured me that Sam is welcome and that Maggie can handle anything. I just hope I can! I will bring a 'time out' towel for Sam just in case.

Funny how talking about our pets can cheer a girl up. Thanks Lord!

Listening In

One of the responsibilities on my job is listening . During the nightime hours I must keep the monitor , situated on the headboard , ON and loud enough that I will be awakened when my people need me.

One of the main reasons is that when my lady has to use the commode, she needs assistance . Every time, she tells her husband not to bother 'the girl'. Well if 'the girl' does not get there quickly the chances that someone will fall and suffer a broken hip increase , which is one of the main reasons for the monitor and ' the girl' in the first place. You get the picture.

Anyway, recently I was awakened at 4 a.m. but instead of needing me in that moment, I was reluctantly forced to wait out some moments of loving intimacy between my lady and her husband of over 65 years. I am not kidding, he is 91 and she is 90.

At that hour of the morning there is no way that I could turn the monitor off to give them the privacy I would if this occured early in the evening. As it happened , he did try to get her up to the commode and had the bedside railing removed as I entered the room.

You can imagine my prayer as I listened and waited for the proper timing in such a sensitive situation.

After everyone was safely tucked back into bed, my thougts were captured by the truth that there is SOMEONE who listens and sees EVERYTHING ! He IS God and because that is exactly Who He Is , He listens, He sees , and is moved deeply in response to all that He is witness to .

I was thinking particularly about how He is witness to all our sinful behaviour (flashback to the past) but He made me aware that it is much more than that. He feels it all. He feels the terror of the violence and destruction that His children purpetrate upon each other.

He feels the cry of every child that is raped and molested, of the desructive brutality Satan inflicts upon His children, those created in His Image and Likeness. Just think if you were able to observe Satan beating the life out of your children.

His heart breaks, and He weeps with us. He hears our accusations of abandonment even as we reject His Gift of Jesus. Yet He never turns His heart away from our curses, rejection and unbelief.

I do not begin to understand the depth of our descent into self and brokeness that happened when man decided to take care of himself all those eons ago. It is a mystery to me. Someday it will end .

In the meantime, in the wee small hours of the morning I will choose to whisper words of loving intimacy to One So Beautiful as this Jesus. This God-Man who knows more than I can even imagine, exactly what each heart needs and experiences at every moment.

I will rest in His embrace adding my voice to all in creation who choose to welcome His Gaze , His Listening Ear, and His Responsive Heart. I will watch and listen with Him and join Him as He prays for us.

A Story Revisited

Once there was a girl who found herself very lost. In her tender years, this little one had known the destructive hand of abuse. Having lost most of who she was, her identity became twisted as she surrendered to the 'silence of survival'.
Her wounds were invisible, or so she imagined.

The place within her heart reserved for love alone , gradually disappeared, or so she imagined. She hid herself behind her walls,and from this place amidst the ruins of life, she remained small and unseen living her outward life mostly disconnected and became a 'Survivor'.


Psalm 105:17-19 "He sent a man before them, Joseph, who was sold as a slave. They hurt his feet with fetters, He was laid in irons. (his soul came into iron)
Until the time that his word came to pass, the word of the Lord tested him.

SUDDENLY LOVE FOUND ME!



The Journey began. Still I was a slave , though unknowingly. The years of captivity that lay ahead , hurt my feet with fetters, and caused iron to enter my soul. Held captive by fear, rejection, anger and yes, even hatred. Still You never left me Lord.

Now I realise those were the days formed in the crucible of affliction, that you were forming an 'Image Bearer'. Memories of rising early in response to the call of Your Spirit just to be with You, warm my heart even now. This was where you taught me how to survive and I fell in love with You Jesus. You kept me. You were there, though many times I was unaware of Your Nearness and Protection.

That was long ago Lord and we have come a long way since then, and still there are times when I feel the chaffing of wounds that once bound me. I hear the taunting voice of the counterfeit lover singing his song of seduction that would lead me back to the darkness.
Tonight I remember an old song from the past. You Light Up My Life ! How the words still ring clear in my memory. You Light up my life, You give me hope to carry on, You Light up my life and fill my heart with song.

Sounds a little sappy Jesus, but the days are darker and the times more perilous than even those former days, so now, more than ever I need You to draw near and Light the way as we walk together through another deeper valley. I will quiet my soul as You joyfully sing Your song over me in the night and I will dream again and fly again with You alone.

'LOOKS' Like a Sign

This is one of the views from my window. It is here that Sam sits observing those crazy squirrels dashing madly through the trees, all the while making it loudly known just who really IS the boss around here.



Today we saw this brave little robin sitting puffed up in these trees. There is plenty of food around and I heard that there were about one hundred robins that did not leave this year. This is the first one I have seen.



On Saturday, this little critter 'Rocky Raccoon' showed up at my sisters back deck for some cat treats. He went into hybernation late and now is up and eating early. It may be that spring is closer than it seems. I hope so.

Thank You

Thank you my friends for your encouraging comments. It will be a process and I remember saying to Lillian a while back that the pain remindes me that I have loved well. Better the sorrow now to prevent the numbness later.

So with the Lords nearness I will choose to let my heart experience all that will be involved in this next phase of the journey.

I finished my final exam in Anatomy tonight. I stayed up today studying even though I had a sleepless night at work, and nearly all the material that I was thinking I didn't know was all swooshed together in my brain .... turned out half wasn't on the test and the rest was so easy I could have had a good rest .

Oh well... and now here I am up late celebrating a few days off.

I have cancelled my trip to Toronto since I want to stay close to Sam and let myself begin to deal with the whole thing.
I need to work on my typing skills anyway. Transcription !!!! Lord have Mercy!

Sam

Today I found out that Sam has cancer in his right lung and a lobe of that lung has collapsed as well. I have known he was a sick little dog, but not having a clear diagnosis until now has allowed me to choose denial. Now I know.

Reality Bites I have heard. Needless to say, I will be trying to come to grips with this reality and will cherish all the time I have left with him. There is no definite time given and no treatment that is feasable financially and to be honest, anything that could be done would not make his quality of life better anyway.

He does still have his spunky times like the squirrel watching and cat harrassing. Yep...even in the vet's , barking at this huge dog that had just had surgery and had one of those big collars on, and then 3 cats in the waiting area.
I was amazed...... anyway....

I am grateful to the Lord for His Presence with me through this sad time, and appreciate your prayers if you think of us.

Waiting

Waiting. On God. On Springtime. Naturally and spiritually. Waiting.

I have never been very good at waiting. Never!

Psalm 40:1 I waited patiently for the Lord and He inclined to me and heard my cry.
Waited patiently...Hebrew word 6960 ..to bind together, be joined, to meet, to lie in wait for someone, to expect , hope, to be confident, trust, to be enduring (another kind of strength)

He heard my cry...'heard' (8085) to hear with attention, to give undivided listening attention. To hear spiritually.

So I wait, and God hears.

Really ?

Time passes and I think perhaps He has not really heard has not inclined and heard.

But I am wrong!

No matter what I am experiencing , believing, and enduring, the Word of God is Alive and Breathing and my Final Truth . I return to Wisdom clinging to this Reality and release the lies that have been taunting my steps.

Once again He will meet me there, bringing Comfort and Understanding. I will turn from being offended with His dealings with me and fall into His Embrace. I will not be afraid to let Him see my tears and frustrations. Jesus , You are my Safe Place to fall.

So, the journey continues. I am working this weekend beginning this evening , which means less rest and sleep. I never seem to get caught up somehow.
.... studying for my final exam in Anatomy next Wednesday evening, the half way mark in my course
...... practicing my typing skills, as the next course is Transcription
..... taking Sam to the vet on Monday for more X-rays and assessment . I want to know what to expect, and what to do in the meantime should there be an 'event'.

Then next weekend Sam and I will be heading to Toronto to visit Jack and Gracie, as well as visiting our good friends Carol-Ann, Kinza and Bruce.

In the face of the activities in the physical realm, my heart and all that is within me will be turned toward the Word, Jesus, who Sees and Hears. He sits on the foot of my bed and waits with me while I wait .

Fish

Last evening while Mr. was watching the hockey game, my Lady wanted to do something else. Today is her 90th. birthday , so I thought I would volunteer to play cards with her.

You have to understand the whole picture here .
The other Care Givers on their shifts have been sitting and playing cards with her, something she really enjoys.

B. has dementia and she really enjoys things that get her thinking .
She likes to watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy , just to try to answer the questions . In her earlier years she taught school.

Anyway , as for me , I do not really enjoy cards and it has been many many years since I have even played at it , not even Solitare on my computer .

So I decided to sit with B. and let her remind me how to play 'Fish'.
A Lady with dementia teaching a 'girl' who cannot remember how to play any of these games.

Needless to say, hilarity broke out early on .
B. had her own rules, and they seemed 'fishy' (sorry :) to me , but since I wasn't sure , and really , am I going to argue with my sweet 90 year old 'teacher' on the evening of her birthday ?

I sensed the Lord nearby, absolutely cracking up, holding His sides with happy laughter and joy at my dilemma , as B. and I both appeared to be playing with dementia.
B. won ! What can I say ? We tried a couple of more games that she remembered , 'sort of'. She won those as well ! No, I did not 'let' her win.

My head was swirling with 'not remembering' , 'not knowing' but we laughed a lot . I decided to 'finish quickly' and excused myself by feigning fatigue .... and who wouldn't? Well , if I am honest , the other care givers , that's who, they seemed to have the stamina that I do not .

Funny though , perhaps strange is a better word , that 'swirl' around my head of 'not knowing', not being able to recall . Sometimes I think that the Lord shows me how it feels to be 'them', if only just for a moment . This has happened to me occasionally with one or two others . Just a 'teaching moment' to feel where that 'Dear One' lives all the time now.

It was fun, but I am going to find out how to really play Fish, though 'B.' is pretty convinced that her way is 'the' way ... what if she is right ?



Happy 90th. Birthday B. !

Busy Busy Busy

Sometimes blogging is the last thing I find time or desire to do these days.Last weekend was a weekend off so my two sisters and I went to 'The City' for the day. I drove to Scarborough where we parked the car, then took the subway to downtown Toronto...and back again.....It's fun to be with my sisters to shop, laugh and catch up.

This week I have another test in anatomy,so I have been studying and doing my computer homework.

The most fun I have had though has been trying to figure out how to split an mp3 file that is too long for a regular cd. so that I can burn it onto two cd.s enabling me to listen in the car since I do not have an mp3 player. I also want to be able to share these teachings with my friends.
I managed to split one and the first track turned out ok, but the second flopped. I will keep trying ..and I will figure it out eventually ....not homework but very challenging all the same.

Since the new year I have tried to get back to my basic devotional time with Jesus that had slipped away from me with all my 'overnights away' and the fatigue that comes with that life style. No wonder I get weak and discouraged when the Lover of my Soul does not have my hearts total focus in these perilous times.

Gary and Marie Weins have a new book out called "Reaching Your Power Potential, Authority on Earth as it is in Heaven." It is about the beatitudes.

Here's a bit....


Poverty of Spirit...Recognizing Our need for God's Presence

When Jesus came into the world He came as the normal human being, living as a man filled with the Holy Spirit in order to demonstrate what God had in mind when He created humans in the first place.

What God intends is that the life that He lived through Jesus is the same life He intends to live through us by the power of the Holy Spirit.

That's how I desire to live.To walk with the Father as Jesus did, in the strength and power of the Spirit, and by the Voice of the Holy Spirit be led step by step into the life He has for me. Not as easy as it seemed in the early days, but way more worth the effort to pursue this narrow way than I used to think when we would pray 'come Holy Spirit'and He would actually come at our simple asking.

It's late here, and I am beginning to babble, so I will rest now.

Thursday January 4 th. 2007.

Just dropping in for a brief update. I worked New Years Eve, since this celebration does not do much for me.....never has actually.

Instead I think back on the last year, meditate on the amazing way that God has carried me through so many challenges and trials. I am grateful Lord.

I also seem to spend a certain amount of time grieving over what I consider my many failures before letting it all go ...... again. Don't you love a clean slate ? It is always good for me to regain my Focus , to Maintain Eye Contact and Default to the Romance ! (I am really good at beating myself up)

Celebrated another birthday on Tuesday, with my sister and her children blessing me with a lovely dinner, a balloon tied to 'my' chair, chocolate cake and much love. JoAnne even locked her six cats in the bedroom, with an abundant supply of cat nip, so that Sam could walk around without feeling the need to 'take back the land'.

Sometimes when we visit I usually end up carrying him around because he just keeps behaving like a dog...barking and chasing those curious cats...who have been known to gang up on him.

Something funny that really works is this. Carol-Ann and Kinza have witnessed the truth of this phenomenon as well.... right girls ?


I put a towel over his head....and he seems to know that is his 'time out' and he leaves it on for quite a while, and usually he is on my lap, not on the stove as in the picture.


It can be very amusing at times....however he can throw it off just as quickly, usually when we are unaware while watching a movie or chatting, and suddenly he bounds out from beneath his 'safe place' in hot pursuit of the taunting felines.

A good time was had by all ..... Thanks Sis .

A New Year Begins

I came across this timely devotional and it seems good to me to mention on my last post of 2006.

From 'God at Eventide'

December 31 - New Year's Eve

Bring to Me this eventide the past year with its sins, its failures, its lost opportunities.

Leave that past with Me, your Savior today as ever, and go into the New Year forgiven, unladen, free.

Bring to Me your youth or age, your powers, your love -- and I, as your God-guide through the year to come, will bring My agelessness, My powers, My love.

So shall we share the burdens and the joys, and the work of the days that lie ahead.

Now to Him who is able to keep you from falling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen. Jude 1:24-25

A New Beginning...... into 2007 walking with Jesus . Happy New Year to all my friends and family.

I Needed to Hear This

Navigating the Crossroads
by John Paul Jackson


Many, many people in the Body of Christ right now are struggling with important decisions that will directly or indirectly affect every step they take after this. They aren’t little, general decisions about which in-laws should be visited this Christmas; they’re the to-move-or-not-to-move decisions — occupation decisions, life decisions.

A whole host of questions comes up in the process: At the cliff’s edge, do I run or take the plunge? Is this even the right cliff? Is there a “correct” way in this? What if I get it wrong? If I go right, will I be in sin? If I go left, will I successfully cut off my destiny forever?

Have you ever asked yourself questions like these before? I have. We make choices every day. We make them for the dark, and we make them for the light. We choose God, and we choose our soul, which is darkness.
Sometimes we choose the soul thinking it’s spirit, and we reject the spirit because we think it’s soul. But the more we mature in Him, the more time we will spend in the light, and the choices we make will be the light and life of the world!

Said a little differently, every choice we make will either lead us toward God or away from Him. That is how He set up our world to work and function. This is why the littlest choice we make, even just a teeny one, can open the floodgates of Heaven in our life. He takes the little we give Him and makes it a great thing.

That being said, how many of us live a life that oozes a deep, abiding confidence that God really is all-powerful and, therefore, really in control of everything? If we truly believed this, we would never worry about the questions in the first paragraph.
It wouldn’t be that we’d suddenly have all the right answers or know, without doubt, one thing from the next, but we would trust implicitly. Even if things didn’t turn out the way we’d anticipated, we would know that they happened the way they did for a reason.

This type of thinking evidences deep spirituality that comes only from the Holy Spirit of the Living God. All you have to do is make the right choice — one choice at a time, and it starts with choosing Jesus. There is no enlightened thinking outside of choosing Him!
There is no true knowledge outside of the knowledge that comes from Him. There is no holiness; there is no righteousness; there is no lasting power of any kind outside of Him. The problem is that we have limited what He can do for us because of our unbelief. That has to change!

How many of us have a deep, underlying faith that the decision we make today is really God’s choice for us? In making it, we simply discovered God’s choice. Even if it doesn’t turn out as we wanted it to, God still chose it because He wanted us to learn something we did not know.
Don’t worry about the questions you have. Is your Father able to take care of you? Yes! Take what you know and rest in Him. He is more powerful than you could ever know, and He really is in complete control of your world.

Thank You

My first stop this past holiday weekend was to visit with my lovely friend Carol-Ann and her family Bruce and Kinza. They had agreed to sit Sam for me while I spent a day with my son and his new bride, and their dog Maggie.


Meet Maggie...she's such a good sport.
Sam is not exactly socialized when it comes to other animals, so thus the need for a sitter.

This family are so talented musically, and the Lord used them to kiss me with His Nearness while Carol-Ann and Kinza practiced their music for Sunday service.

Silent Night is my very favorite Christmas Carol, and it has been a long time since my hair stood on end in response to the warm presence of Jesus while this lovely mother and daughter duo practiced.

Thank you so much Allen family for your loving me and my Sam. Bless you all in the coming year.

Christmas Memories

Christmas 1954, Dad was in Korea . We had had our baths and sat for this picture , behaving very well, to send to our daddy .

Many years later some very special memories.




Jason's first guitar.....do we remember Shaun Cassidy ???

1994 Sam's first Christmas


1996 Sam's second Christmas


Sweet Anneka ..... funny how time slips away.




Jared, Ryan, Anneka and Aila.

Another really great thing about Christmas Day is it is Ryan's Birthday.
Today Ryan turned six years old. Happy Birthday Ryan !

Christmas Joy

JOY IS GOD EXPRESSING HIMSELF IN THE FACE OF JESUS !

May His Face shine on all my friends and Family as we remember that
"IMMANUEL"..... GOD IS WITH US!
Merry Christmas and God Bless us every one!
I too will snuggle up in His Presence here.

Toronto

In a few hours Sam and I are heading to Toronto to spend a couple of days with Friends and family.
Then we are driving back Christmas Eve Day and I am working a long shift including overnight with my Lakefield couple.


Here they are, aren't they cute. They sit and hold hands for hours and hours, and have been married 65 years. The headphones on my Lady enable her to hear the television well.

Another fun thing happened yesterday when my lovely niece Holly gave me her old cell phone. Now I am truly hip, and I even bought a sparkling 'bling' case for it. Thank you Holly for your loving generousity.

,

More later. Must sleep to drive and not die on the 401 in a few hours.

For Carol-Ann

He has him in his sights

Sam has finally discovered the squirrel population around here. There are black ones, brown ones , and grey ones. They are everywhere , busy doing what ever it is that sqirrels do. Until recently Sam has not even noticed them.



In his old age,and being sick, he still has the 'little lion' in his heart. As for the blurry pictures, that is my doing, but Sam's attitude is clearly seen as he walks away.What a funny little guy !

I was moved by this posting from Lisa at The Uprising, and since I cannot always get the link thing to work, decided to dispay it here. I hope that's ok Lisa, I want to think on these things more than I have been. Thanks for the reminder.



My kid fell today. turned, looked, & saw my kid in full scream sprawled spread eagle on concrete. i dropped everything... and ran. i don't run. anyone you meet who knows me will tell you this. but i ran. after the comforting hug, washing of the scrapes, & some neosporin, he was off on his next adventure. i got to thinking about the prodigal son's dad running out to meet him. yeah, it makes total sense. my world stops at my sons urgent need... and to his urgent needy cry, i am captive to respond. i could do nothing else. it's in my d.n.a. i wonder if God is like that too.

And if the grief stricken, impaled by tragedy, are too wounded or angry to cry out, can we cry out for them? is this then the definition of intercession. if a nation, a people, or a person, becomes too broken or bound to even think of heading home, can we cry out for them? is then this the definition of intercession?

Dad, Joe is too broken & angry to cry out so i cry out on his behalf. Dad run out to meet him... where he is. Dad the people of Joe are too grief stricken & shell shot to lift up their heads toward heaven & cry out to you in their grief. Dad hear my cry on their behalf. Meet them as you would have met me. And if they share blame - forgive & have mercy & hurl in solutions - for Your name's sake

Yesterday when I arrived at work, I found a most pleasant surprise. A lovely , tall Christmas Tree sat in simple splendor in front of the living room window, lights on . A very welcome sight indeed .

The best thing about this tree is that is a "real" tree, and is giving off the most beautiful fragrance. Ahhhhh......

It has been a very long time since I have enjoyed that real tree ambiance. Thank You Jesus !

Later in the wee small hours of the morning I heard my Lady exclaiming in alarm," I dreamed that a man came into my room and told me that my time here was finished."

Needless to say, I have been awake since then and have been praying .

Ahhhh the memories.... Boney M Christmas Music....a flash from the past to be sure, but playing now as I get ready to go to work for the night.

How much I would rather be where Yvonne and Jason are tonight.(IHOP)

These overnights are a challenge. Not difficult , just tiring .
A very different kind of 'Night Watch'.

Now I must drop Sam at the sitters, so I am on my way. God Bless!

Musings and Memories

It was two years ago today that my Little Aunt T. went to be with the Lord. I miss her.
My time spent walking with her through the last stages of her life are a precious memory to me still. The very fact that the Lord sent me there at all is amazing and I am grateful for every step of the journey, no matter how difficult and terrifying.

Some days in our lives are "marker days". That is why remembering is important. All too often I can become overshadowed by the grip of past trauma. This is not the case today. I am just quietly thankful for the whole journey, even the bumps and camel rides, not to mention the watering of same. (Genesis 24:19-20.)

There have been times in my life when I feel that the Lord has asked me to :


This has never, ever been an easy decision and I know there have been many unintentional woundings and misunderstandings along the path, with many regrets as well.

I am not only talking about leaving my beloved children and grandchildren,and the birthing of the Sanctuary House of Prayer, but unhealthy ways of thinking and believing, fears of making a mistake, all the 'what if's' that can so easily cause me to stumble and tempt me to be offended in my journey.

Learning to trust Jesus has actually been the whole point most of the time, and discovering His Faithfullness every step of the way is becoming my Joy.
The Truth I keep coming back to is that He IS Who He says He IS, and His Word is the Absolute Truth , no matter what I am experiencing, and, no matter how much the enemy would try to have me accuse Him and believe otherwise.

HE DOES SEE IT ALL, and HE DOES CARE !And He moves in my behalf.

Some time ago I found a word on Mair's blog and as I was reading it again today felt the Nearness of His Presence encouraging me to remembering my story.

Pack nothing.
Bring only your determination to serve and your willingness to be free.
Don’t wait for the bread to rise.
Take nourishment for the journey, but eat standing, be ready to move at a moment’s notice.

Do not hesitate to leave your old ways behind, fear, silence, submission.
Only surrender to the need of the time, to love justice and walk humbly with your God. Begin quickly, before you have time to sink back into old slavery.

Set out in the dark. I will send fire to warm and encourage you.
I will be with you in the fire and I will be with you in the cloud.
I will give you dreams in the desert to guide you safely home to that place you have not yet seen…. I am sending you into the wilderness to make a new way and to learn my ways more deeply.

Some of you will be so changed by weathers and wanderings that even your closest friends will have to learn your features as though for the first time.
Some of you will not change at all.

Some will be abandoned by your dearest loves and misunderstood by those who have known you since birth and feel abandoned by you.
Some will find new friendship in unlikely faces, and old friends as faithful, and true as the pillar of God’s flame. Sing songs as you go, and hold close together.

You may at times grow confused and lose your way, touch each other and keep telling the stories .

Make maps as you go, remembering the way back from before you were born…. So you will be only the first of many waves of deliverance on these desert seas.
It is the first of many beginnings of your Passover. Remain true to this mystery.

Pass on the whole story. Do not go back.
I am with you now and I am waiting for you.