Follow Me

There are times when mere words are inadequate. This is one of those moments.

Moved Again !

Moved ....just next door to a much nicer and larger place. I think I have walked up and down the stairs so much I have lost count. Moved everything myself, with the exception of an hour yesterday when my nephew Adam helped me.

I am very tired and this old body is groaning loudly, and it is not intercession. Sam is adjusting well, and perhaps we will be here for a bit. Maybe, just maybe, I will find rest .

Farm Friends

Meet Tom, the main man and most friendly of the farm managerie. I really know nothing else about him other than he is a donkey. A very nice donkey.


This is Tom's buddy White donkey....I don't even know his name, but he is white and kind of cute.

I do not know the name of this next species but they get fat and large by sucking the algae from the sides of the glass of the aquarium. The only reason I took these shots was because he looked as if he was in an amazing position of worship. Who knows for sure, right ? Otherwise it is gross. I know, I know, leave it to me to think of the worship thing.








This fellow above is a White African Frog. He is very wierd looking, and seems to be smiling as he waits for his food. The rest of the time he looks quite dead, except when he uses his little fins to shovel the food into his mouth.

Here is my Sam having a (gggggrrrrr) conversation with white froggie.



The rest of the animals are not blog worthy really , and the smells made me sneeze . A lot ! Will I do this again sometime ? Most definitely . Thanks to Rob and Judy for a very fun and different few days.

On the Farm

Who would have thought it possible ? Certainly not me !

I am currently sitting here in the country, minding the farm . My brother Rob and sister in law Judy's little farm just outside Peterborough. It is lovely and peaceful here .

I spent the morning sitting on the deck having my coffee, basking in the sunshine. Around 10 am. I did my 'chores'.

The non human occupants of this place include 2 horses, 2 donkeys, 4 dogs, 5 cats, 3 ginnea pigs, 1 tree frog, 1 white african frog, 1 tetra fighting fish, and to my great dismay, many little flying gnats/fruit flies, and various other species of bugs.(ackkkkkk!!!!)

The 4 dogs are boarded out, as are 2 of the diabetic cats. In their place there is Sam, who is a city dog, loving the many wild and exotic scents of country life.

As I am writing this he has been sitting beside me growling softly at the white african frog, since the 2 remaining cats have wisely chosen to make themselves scarce.

My chores..... feed the horses, and donkeys the hay left by the fence, and make sure the water barrel is full. Feed and water the rest of the menagerie, (I will not feed live crickets to mr. tree frog thank you very much !) I actually enjoyed this little routine, and thought hey! I can do this Lord .....ha ha! !

I have to wonder at the imagination of God in His planning of these days of my life. Did I mention that 'my' idea of His plan for my life is very different than what I am actually living ? No matter! I am learning to 'think outside of the box'.

I would love to sit out on the deck in the night and gaze up at the brilliant star studded sky thinking wondrous thoughts of God . But...... God also created ravenous mosquitoes hungry for my blood . (At least I am told it was God, though I have my own theory on that topic.) So here I sit blogging instead.

All in all, I am enjoying this little respite from the ordinary topsey turvey instability of my life in the city. God bless us everyone ! Pictures to follow later.

Excellence of Wisdom

Does not Wisdom cry out, and Understanding lift up her Voice ?
She takes her stand on the heights, beside the Way, where the paths meet.

Proverbs 8:22- 31. The Lord possessed Me at the beginning of His way. Before His works of old.
I have been poured out from everlasting , From the beginning before ever there was an earth.
When there were no depths I was brought forth, When therewas no fountains abounding with water.
Before the mountains were settled, Before the hills, I was brought forth ;
While as yet He had not made the earth or the fields, or the primal dust of the world.

When He prepared the heavens I was there, When He drew a circle on the face of the deep, When He established the clouds above,
When He strengthened the fountains of the deep, When He assigned to the sea it's limit, So that the waters would not transgress His command,
When He marked out the foundations of the earth,

Then I was beside Him as a Master Craftsman;
And I was daily His Delight rejoicing always before Him,
Rejoicing in His inhabited world, And my delight was with the sons of men.

Behind Me and Before Me

O Lord You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up:
You understand my thought from afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.

For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold O Lord, You know it altogether.
You have hedged me in behind and before.
And laid Your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high I cannot attain it.
Where can I go from Your Spirit ?
Where can I flee from Your Presence ?

How precious also are Your thoughts to me O God!
How great is the sum of them !
If I should count them they would be more in number than the sand :
When I awake,I am still with You.

Too Tired to Talk

I just finished three over nights, and my body is freaking out with fatigue. I do not get much 'rest'.

Before I went to work last night though I checked out a Vineyard house church in town. A lovely little group of people. The worship was refreshing. But...... I am ruined !

Ruined for the Real Thing ! My One Thing ! After IHOP how can anything compare to the reality I have come to know .

Why do people need a book written by a man, when THE GOD-MAN is longing to reveal Himself ?

Alone

I find myself these days in a place of solitude, wondering at the path I have chosen to walk.

In this season, amidst groans of great intercession, all the while being buffeted by storms stirred by the enemy. Storms of doubt, fear and unbelief. Lies from the pit of hell attempting to obscur my vision , my mission , and my hope.

Today, I want to thank You Jesus for 'Friends' on the journey, who are so willing to pray and hold me before the Throne of Grace.

I am reminded that even though Jesus had his disciples and followers around Him, He needed to go apart and pray to His Father.

Intimacy with His Father. Me too Jesus please.

Hebrews 5:7.' During the days of His life on earth, He offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the One who was able to save Him from death, and He was heard because of His reverent submission.'

Alone ? No, not really. We are surrounded by that great cloud of witnessess cheering us on, and Holy Spirit within and without stirring His , and our, 'Friends ' to prayer on our behalf. Thank You Jesus.

So True!

Gettin' Old Ain't for Sissies!
Sam and I spent a very enjoyable weekend in Trenton with our good friend Lillian. This comment, 'getting old ain't for sissies' came up in our conversation, and struck a cord deep within me.

When we are young, we strutt about in our own strength and arrogance, human pride basking in it's own glory and self sufficiency .
We push God away, either by denying His existence completely, or telling Him, 'later God, I am so very busy right now . Besides, I'm a good person, right ?'

Now, I realize this may sound a bit exteme, but I guess I am being more and more affected by the people I am becoming involved with in my journey.
I am witness to dear souls in deep need of love and companionship in their later years, not to mention their very intimate personal needs .

Will this be the place of my end Lord ? Will I be in need of someone helping me use the bathroom ? Pulling up my underwear ? Giving me a bath ? Cleaning my teeth and combing my hair ? Helping me into my bed ? Staying with me through the long lonely nights ? Keeping fear far from me ?

Will I have Someone to read to me when my sight is gone ? Will there be a Friend to walk with me, when I can no longer walk myself, and to walk the path towards eternity with me ? Will I have a Friend to bless me and pray with me when I have forgotten You Jesus ? Will anyone care about me then Lord ?

So true.....gettin' old ain't for sissies Jesus.

Friday

Today, Sam and I are off to Trenton to visit and care for Lillian for the long weekend.
I am looking forward to major prayer encounters with Jesus in this place.
more later....

Blessed

The Lord has placed me in a home to help care for a senior couple. Mr. is 90 and My Lady is 89 years old. This is a totally different world. Mr. is suffering from Alzheimer's , but he is still able to function in his home. My Lady, has dementia , and uses a walker since breaking her hip last year.

These are a most amazing couple. They have been married 65 years in July, and are still so much in love.

My job has been working from 9pm. to 9am. That means I sleep there, in a room upstairs. There is a monitor that I must keep on in order to listen during the night if my Lady needs to get up. Sometimes, her husband forgets she needs help, and that is when she is at risk of falling.

I wash her and get her ready for bed, then she goes to the couch where she sits holding hands with Mr. and watching t.v. until bedtime. They have been doing this for years. When the time comes for bed, I tuck her in and Mr. gets himself ready. They both have a lovely and spirited sense of humor.

My favorite part of all of this has become their foot care. I love putting the lotion and creams on their feet. Isn't Jesus amazing ? I imagine how a soul can be touched when someone performs this act of care, without guile. I love it!

Jesus has ministered to me in this way many times by His Spirit. I weep with awe, as He gazes into my weary soul, kneels at my bruised and broken feet, washing and kissing me with His touch of loving understanding and compassion. Directing my feet into the less travelled paths, He touchs the forgotten ones, and the ones who have forgotten.

Hope rises in my heart, when I listen in the night. I am in a place of intimacy, as I am priviledged to hear these dear ones whisper rather loudly, (since they are hearing impared, and I have the monitor) their loving 'goodnight kisses.' Even in the state of forgetting, some things , for now, still remain very sure. I am so very blessed Lord.

Mr. will declare every morning at breakfast, "the best thing that ever happened to me is sitting in this kitchen". My Lady giggles like a girl, and returns the sentiment.

There are sad moments to be sure, when Mr. wearily complains how he cannot remember his way around his own house anymore. My heart breaks at his 'troubling'. I wonder silently to God.

The other night, My Lady lovingly declared to Mr. 'we have had an amazingly wonderful life.' his response was, 'Had ? We are in the midst of it!'

It really is another world, and puts this short time here on this planet, in the eternal perspective. Thank You Jesus for this place of priviledge. I love You!

Encounter

Come, and sit with Me awhile. A prayer room encounter with Jesus.

In the midst of the prayer room activity of worship, adoration and supplication, An Unseen Figure sits alone, veiled to human eyes.

I perceive Him sitting , praying to His Father. My heart is immediately drawn to this Man. He is clothed in a dark scarlet colored garment with a hood covering His bowed head.

He doesn't look directly at me , but somehow I feel His invitation to come and sit beside Him for a while.

As I look upon Him sitting solitary, I sense a deep sadness surrounding Him, a lonliness and longing in His prayer. My heart responds with a quickening pulse and I hasten to His side.

His heart draws me in and I am greeted with tender gratitude and welcome. Reaching out, hands touching, my trembling soul bows low as Amazing Love embraces my entire being.

We sit quietly together in His house of prayer. Worship and devotion ascending to His throne. The songs are the songs of the Lamb, declaring His Great Worth, and His great Sacrifice.

He is holding my hand, and with a gentle squeeze, I am tenderly invited to explore the wound I know is there. This is only one of the wounds of Love.

These mighty hands of power and healing. I am in awe as I think again how this God-Man , my Beloved, restrained Himself.
Submitting to men restraining these loving hands, that formed our frame. Held fast with cruel nails upon a piece of wood that He Himself created, for this very purpose.

My salvation. The bridal price.

Now, I know it is my turn. "May I touch your scars Dear One He whispers tenderly?" The fragrance of myhrr surrounds us, and my heart cringes. He knows! I long for His touch even though my fingers are bent and twisted. I am so ashamed that feel I am not beautiful enough for Him.

I remember that He has promised me healing. Still my heart feels the burden of wanting to be pleasing and lovely to this One I love so very much."You see with the eyes of man, my love."

Slowly He reaches in to His Heart. My soul trembles in joyful wonder as He extends to me a beautiful gold ring, and the Cup of Betrothal.

"Are you willing Beloved?" "Will you drink the Cup?" "Oh Yes Lord!"

His Beautiful Face radiates a brilliant smile, and I find myself lost in Love's Gaze, embraced completely in Love Himself. I am undone. Again!

Thank You

I want to say a great big thank you and God bless you to Carol-Ann, Kinza , and Bruce Allen. Your love and kindness to Sam and me these last few days has been a lovely blessing. Good friends are a rich treasure. You are one of mine.

We have enjoyed the peace and relaxation of sitting on the deck basking in the sunshine and warmth of summer, listening to the birds and sharing our hearts in the Presence of Jesus.

We have had a fun time .... and we will be back ! Thanks again my friends.

401 Mercies Lord Please

Tomorrow, Sam and I are off to Toronto for visiting fun with Carol-Ann and family, and some long over due time with my other son and his beautiful lady.

It has been a year since I drove the 401 to Toronto, and I am downloading courage even at this moment. Lord have mercy! I think it's worse than all my trips put together, but I have a feeling I'd better get used to it.

So off we go......

Little 'Faith'...that's me

By faith, Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as an inheritance , obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.
By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; He lived in tents.

For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.
He considered Him Faithful who had made the promise.

Me too..... I consider Jesus Faithful to keep His promise. He's the only One actually able to keep His Promises. Men, well, we fail and break our word to each other with little remorse or care.

When I began this most recent chapter of my adventure with God, I knew it would be a place of decreasing. Willingly volunteering to go to the low place of service with Jesus, I really had no idea what that exactly meant. It's easy to get the notion that we are doing God a favor, by 're-up-ing' as they call it at IHOP.(re-consecration)

At this point I am vitally aware that this whole thing is so that He can do a work in me, so that when the time comes, He can look at what He has made and see 'His Image' there, and be satisfied. I have no idea where I am in this process, and that will likely be the case until I stand before Him in that day to give Him an account of my life.

I feel like I am stumbling around in such foreign territory. What exactly is a walk of faith anyway ?

A few of years ago I heard Patricia King, tell how the Lord removed all sense of His Presence from her for about a year, while all those around her were basking in His Glory. I remember thinking , Thank You Lord that you don't do that to me..... right ? right Lord ? LORD ?

Maybe I should call it learning to walk by the Spirit, that would better explain my dilemma. All I want is to love God, walk with Him in intimacy, and when I die go home to heaven forever. (Don't tell Mike Bickle that I am staying in heaven during the millennium.)

Since my time at IHOP, the Prayer Room IS Home to me. Out here is foreign land. Even here in my home town where I grew up, it is a strange land. The people have not changed, just grown older. God must be here somewhere, but I have no desire to seek out a church or 'fellowship' to see if He is there.

Of course God is here! He is Omnipresent. AND He is present in the little elderly couple who I am giving care to. One has Dementia, and the other has Alzheimers. They have been married 65 years this July, and are still very much in love, sitting every evening holding hands on the couch until bedtime.

The other night as I was preparing my lady for bed, I remembered the words Jesus spoke to Peter , 'that when you are old you will stretch out your hands and others will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.'Jn.21/18.
I am sure my lady never would have thought that at some point in her life someone else other than herself, would dress her and get her tucked in to her bed.

The human frame is weak....I see that so clearly. We go through life flexing our muscles before God , each other, and the world. Then one day, we cannot remember....period. I don't understand any of it. The rain falls on the just and the unjust, the bible says, but all I know is that it makes me sad, very sad.

How am I adjusting ? Some days I catch a glimpse of the 'Banner/Shadow/Love' over me. Other days, I fall down weeping in weariness and discouragement.
I have chosen this path of abandonment to Jesus , but I am only now waking up to the reality of what that committment really entails.

Death! Death to all that hinders Love Himself being formed in my heart and character.
I know I am not alone, that in the midst of the battle, in this place called the world, He is here.
I can sense His nearness in this little hovel of a room, that is strangely becoming familiar. I feel His comfort when I weep with grief because my little dog is dying, and I do not want to let him go. Like my friend Mair has said so beautifully "Love Stays."

Tonight all I am longing for is to sit beside some quiet waters with my Friend Jesus. Just sit really still and let Him hold me close, as we share tears of sorrow over my puppy Sam.
He will raise my chin in His tender hands and open my eyes to behold the starry host that He has placed over our heads in the deep saphire sky. He will remind me of my real Home. Tonight, though the world rages in other places, Sam and I will know Comfort while Love stays with us.

Brief Update

I have started my new job here working for home Instead Senior Care. My clients are very sweet, and the actual work is not difficult.
My problem is that I must listen for activity from their room in the night , in case my lady needs to get up.
Well that's not the problem.... the thing is I am sleep deprived already and I am just starting my third night.
My head is spinning. I think I am getting too old for night work and to not have a rested night .
I don't know what to think at this point, so I will make myself some strong coffee for now. I must be crazy ......Help me Jesus !

Deep Calls To Deep

Deep calls out to deep in the roar of Your waterfalls; All Your waves and breakers have swept over me. Ps.42/7

The waters saw You , O God, the waters saw You and writhed; The very depths were convulsed.
The clouds poured down water, the skies resounded with thunder; Your arrows flashed back and forth.

Your Thunder was heard in the whirlwind, Your Lightning lit up the world; the earth trembled and quaked.
Your path led through the sea, Your way through the mighty waters, though Your footprints were not seen. Ps.77/16-19

I surrender to Your Depths Jesus.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON

Thirty three years ago today!!!!!









I love you and I am so proud of you and all you have accomplished. Happy Birthday, my son. Have a great day....with a good birthday cake. Forget the points today.

Check it Out

A wonderful post....a worthy read.

Ragamuffin Diva

Jesus You are Awesome and I love You.

Good News

Just wanted to say that Sam suffered no structural damage to his heart, and that means he is not in heart failure. (I did not sleep a wink all night) So we can deal with the pneumonia and breathe a sigh of relief. Yay! Thank You Jesus!

Dog Tired

Today Sam and I took a long awaited trip to Trenton to visit our dear friend Lillian.

On the way we made a necessary stop at the Quinte Animal Hospital. Sam has been sick now for a few days. Since Saturday actually when he had a little 'fainting spell' I call it, but really it was a kind of heart problem.

He has congestive heart failure, edema in his one lung and pneumonia.
A sick little guy. Never the less , he still is able to get churned up when near my sister's cats, so we didn't stay too long.

I have started him on his medication, and we get the results of his EKG on Friday. The rest is in the Hands of Jesus, who does all things well. I have had a 'feeling' for a while now ......

It was really an excellent visit with Lillian, and I will have more to share on that story there later.

In the meantime I will treasure every moment I can with my buddy Sam, who has been on this crazy adventure called my life for eleven years now.

Bumpy Landing

My history is one of crash landings. That's me underneath the insructor and the parachute, with the video guy capturing the event. I wish I would remember this before I go forward gung-ho into transition, flying high and naive, looking for the perfect landing. Jesus, always right there taking movies and going Home to brag on His kid...me.

My friend Bevy reminded me that my landing in Kansas was not very smooth either. Even in the early days, I wanted to flee from the very thing I had dreamed about for years.

Recently, when visiting there again, I was talking with a friend, who was telling me how the Lord brought to fruition the dream of her heart. A dream she told no one about, ever, just Jesus, and He was the One who brought it all to pass.

What an encouragement that was to me. We laughed together as we both realized that it was He who had planted His Dream in her heart, and He Alone was the One able to bring it to pass.

Tonight I am reminded that He has given me a dream as well. A couple actually, and I know they are His Dreams for me as well. So why do I always forget that, and second guess Him ? Huh!

How hard can it be to walk on water right ? Ha ! Immersed in the prayer room atmosphere, all things seem possible, and then in the face of the actual getting out of the boat, or climbing willingly onto the cross with Christ, I seem to prefer to run screaming from the room or the cross.

Yet I have discovered that the Cross is actually the safest place to run to, but still can forget that at times of intense testing and stress. God's Word still stands firm in spite of my fears, thank God!

Today, I took Sam on a tour of my home town. I went back to the river, a favorite place of mine. We sat on the damp grass, He sniffing madly all the nooks and cranny's of the twisted tree trunk we were leaning upon, and me, just looking at all the changes the years have brought to the surrounding river front.

At one point a warm breeze caused a lovely sight. The"seed keys" of the maple trees, were hanging thickly upon the branches, and as the wind blew through, these twirling, whirling, seeds flew almost joyfully through the air, all competing to see who could get farthest out into the river.
Once there, they would float downstream. Only some would eventually find the perfect place to'die', to later become a huge beautiful Maple tree profuse with exploding color in the fall many years later.

Even now, I hear the songs of the prayer room reminding me that Wisdom cries out to go to the mountain of myhrr. So easy to say yes from that place of worship. The actual 'event' of death to all that hinders Love is not so poetic, but I think I detect the hint of a smile on the Face of Jesus as He strengthens me in the journey He has already walked before me.

Today, at the place where once I could imagine Jesus coming to rescue me in His little rowboat, something different occured. I sensed Him coming toward me across the water, walking.

The Invitation is there. I'm so tired and scared Lord, how can I come out there and join myself to You ? He extended His hand to me, and I know that He also includes the strength, faith, and ablility to trust Him in this next season of going low, even though my flesh complains loudly to Him all the way. So I come Lord.

Sarah's Wedding

A beautiful day for a wedding. My niece Sarah married her true love today. A lovely celebration of young love beginning the journey of life together.

The most touching moments for me. As Sarah and her father walked down the asile toward the waiting groom, Sarah became overwhelmed with emotion the closer she came to Mike. I was just as choked up as she was, well maybe not as much as Sarah, but she was trying to hold back her tears. What a lovely sight and heart felt emotion.

The next and best was as she was speaking her vows to Mike, she wept as she pledged her love to him. I watched as he held her hands, and encouraged her with little tender brushings of his fingers on her trembling hands.

Signals constantly passed between them and I wondered if they would even remember what the minister was saying, as their unspoken language seemed to me louder and more real than the actual words they were speaking.

I wish you joy beyond words Sarah and Mike. Your love blessed my life today.

Calm Down My Soul

The hour is late here, but I am winding down from the spin out I have been on since I arrived yesterday.
I am grateful to whoever is praying for me.Thank you so much.

Today, (Thursay) I had my job interview and it went very well. I start on the 9th. of June.
In the meantime, I am trying to solve my dog sitting dilema, during this latest transition period. Sam is a good dog, but has had many changes to cope with these days, and I don't feel comfortable leaving him here alone yet.

I have decided to calm my soul a bit, and try to get a grip on my emotions which are fragile with fatigue and stress . The lady who is renting this room to me, is nice, and we talked things over today. I have decided to stay here for a while, to get my job going, and see how that goes for a few weeks.

My room still needs a lot of work, but I asked her to just leave it for now. There are no blinds /curtains on the windows. I have a bed , but that's about all for now.

What do mercy and grace look like ? Trying to think the way Jesus would in these circumstances, and remembering that He is Faithful, and that all this was no surprise to Him, only to me.

So, at the end of the day, I will trust Him, and try to let Him work His Image and Likeness more into my character through these testings. I feel better tonight, and the grip of fear has lifted. Thank You Lord.I Love You.

What now ?

So .... are Sam and I homeless ? We shall see. This certainly is turning into an adventure right from the start. Doesn't the Lord know I'm too old for all this insecurity.
Prayers gratefully accepted.